


And Then I Met You

by xBreeButterflyx



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Getting Back Together, Heavy Angst, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Murder, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Post-Break Up, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Rape Aftermath, Rehabilitation, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2019-12-18 17:54:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18254906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xBreeButterflyx/pseuds/xBreeButterflyx
Summary: Just one Friday night changes the life of Alec Lightwood forever. And that's just the beginning. This is the story of a man that has to learn how to cope with something that he never expected. He's not perfect. He makes many mistakes along the way and it takes him a long time to realize that he can't do it alone. Like they say, once you hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This work deals with many elements that may be triggering to some readers such as rape, drug addiction, and self-harm. If this is something you don't think that you can read about, please turn back now. And another warning for further into the story. This work also contains the mention of a gay character engaging in heterosexual acts. If this is also something you don't believe you cannot handle reading, please do not continue. I do not write these sort of situations with the intentions of dismissing one's sexuality. I, myself, am a member of the LGBT+ community. I write them to portray certain relaities among our community and the struggle that some characters with the issues I initially listed above deal with. If you still do not believe you can read this, please refrain from doing so. I do not enjoy receieving hateful comments from people simply because they have differing veiwpoints than myself. If you decide to leave a comment of this nature that is not contructive criticism, I will not tolerate it. It will be immediately deleted. Thank you.

"Izzy."

The Lightwood woman snapped her head up at the sound of her brother's voice. She had been buried nose deep inside of her work, trying to get this autopsy finished in time to go out with Simon tonight. But it seemed that she would have to put that on hold for now. Her brother seemed very fidgity, worry and fear etched across his face like she had never seen before. That was very unlike him. She put down her scapel and went around the slab to face him. 

"Is everything okay?" She asked. 

He shook his head, eyes downcast. "I think something's wrong with, Alec," he replied.

Isabelle's frown deepened. She had just spoken to her eldest brother a mere few hours ago. She knew he had been taking his break up with Magnus pretty hard, but he seemed to be getting a little better lately. He wasn't anywhere near being okay yet, but she could see that he was starting to get there. Isabelle had encouraged him to drag himself out of bed and go out; somewhere away from the institute. She knew better than anyone that nothing helped with a heartbreak better than getting out and doing something. He'd been reluctant, extremely so. But he had went. 

"Jace, Magnus was Alec's first love. His first everything, really. He's in a lot of pain right now. But he's gonna be okay, you don't need to worry so much," she assured the blonde with a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

Jace shook his head hard, lips pressed tight into a firm line. "No, Isabelle. I've felt his heartache this entire time. But this is different. This is something I've never felt from him before. And I don't like it," he explained. 

Now it was Isabelle's turn to worry. If there was something going on with her brother that had Jace this on edge, it had to be something really, really bad. She'd been hoping it was just the pain from the break up that Jace was feeling, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. 

"What does it feel like?" 

He sighed and went quiet for a few moments. He seemed to be trying to piece his thoughts together. "It's mostly physical. But the pain isn't anything like what he feels when he gets injured during a fight. I can't really describe it. But I can sense that he's feeling pretty helpless and scared right now. We need to go find him," Jace said. 

Isabelle nodded. He was absolutely right. Something about this didn't feel right even to her. She had a really awful, gut-deep feeling about what was going on with Alec right now. Not wanting to waste anymore time, she tossed her lab coat into a chair and locked the lab up behind them as they left. The siblings set out to find Clary. She'd be the fastest way to get to Alec right now. Every minute counted. 

Before going after Clary, they made a quick pit stop in Alec's bedroom to retrieve something of his to track him with. Jace plucked up the very first thing he saw; a wrinkled up T-shirt that was slewn across the chair pushed up to their brother's desk. He slung the garment across his shoulder and darted back out into the hallway. 

It took a little while, but eventually they found the little redhead curled up in the garden out back, seated on one of the stone benches near the cataleyas with a sketchbook and piece of charcoal in her hand. She was furiously sketching out something in front of her, but Isabelle was too wrapped up in her own head to notice what it was. 

"Clary, we need your help," Jace said as he rested a hand on her shoulder. 

She whipped her head up quick, startled out of her artistic daze. Clary closed the book quickly and shoved it into her bag along with the piece or charcoal. 

"Sure, what do you need?" 

"We need a portal. Jace is going to track Alec real quick and we need you to portal us to wherever he is," Isabelle explained.

With that Jace pulled Alec's shirt down from his shoulder. He stepped off to the side away from the other two shadowhunters and began to use his parabatai rune to do a tracking on Alec's location. 

Concern filled the Clary's eyes as she reached into her bag and dug around for her stele. "Is he okay?" 

"We don't know. Jace is sensing something weird through the bond. Something bad."

The redhead released a frustrated huff after failing to find the instrument and just tossed her bag upside down. All of its contents crashed down into the grass, one of which being the desired stele. She reached down to retrieve it and started drawing the beginnings of a portal. 

"I'm coming with you. If Alec's in trouble you could use all the help you can get," Clary announced after finishing her work. 

Isabelle nodded in silent agreement.

She bit at her lip nervously as she waited for Jace to finish tracking. It was a bad habit that she had picked up from Alec many years ago she couldn't quite seem to shake. The reminder of her big brother only caused her fear to grow. She needed him to be okay. He was the person that had been there for her the longest. Ever since she was born he stuck by her side through thick and thin. Even when she was wrong he had her back when she needed it. She had to do the same for him in return right now. And that meant facing whatever dreaded situation they were about to be thrown into on the other side of that portal. Alec was worth it. He always would be. 

"I've got him. He's in some building in Queens. Come on," Jace snapped, jerking Isabelle out of her head. The blonde drew his seraph blade, and stepped through the newly created portal. 

The two women quickly followed suit, hurrying through the portal before it closed and left Jace to fend for himself. They each drew their weapons immedaitely upon landing. 

And they nearly dropped them all at the sight that awaited them on the other side.


	2. Powerless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have already given a warning about this, but I am giving another to anyone who may have missed it. This chapter contains slightly graphic details of a sexual assault. Please do not continue if this is something that you do not believe you can handle reading. Thank you.

" _Come on, hermano. Go out and try to have some fun. You need it_."

His little sister's words echoed in his head like a mantra as he shuffled awkwardly from one foot to the other. Alec loved his sister dearly, but goddamn did she really have to push him to go out and party of all activities? It seemed like after being around him near constantly for eighteen years she would've gotten the memo that this wasn't exactly his kind of scene. But nope. Time and time again he found himself mixed in with this shit thanks to his extroverted little sister.

Alec wasn't cowering. Not at all. He was simply huddled really close to a corner in this stupid gay bar Isabelle had referred him to. Everywhere he turned there were people dancing, drinking, and acting like fools. He was extremely uncomfortable. All he wanted to do was go back home and bury himself back under his comforter. But Izzy had made it explicitly clear that if she saw him anywhere near the institute before midnight she'd drag him back here by his ear. The last time she did something like that he'd needed to rub lotion into the crease of his right ear just to get the pain to subside for days. He wasn't looking for a repeat of past events.

So he was going to stay. Maybe drink too but make as little social contact as humanly possible. Once the clock hit midnight he'd be out of here and not a minute later. Alec knew he was probably being a little dramatic and perhaps throwing himself a bit of a pity party, but he felt like he had every right to be miserable in peace and quiet thank you very much. Magnus had meant the world to him. There hadn't been a single damn thing he wouldn't have done for that man if he'd needed it. But now he was gone and Alec spent nearly every waking moment trapped inside his own mind. All of the beautiful memories they had made together that had once filled his heart with so much love it nearly burst now only left behind heartache and longing.

Alec was jerked out of his thoughts when his ass hit the ice cold floors of the bar, throbbing slightly at the impact. He gasped in suprise and looked up to see some random man staring down at him. He was fairly average looking; dark brown hair shaped into a taper cut with a pair of pale blue eyes. Nothing about him was anything distinctive or memorable other than his height. He was slightly taller than Alec himself, which was something that the hunter rarely saw considering his own ridiculously large height. From appearance alone he was much older than Alec, probably around his mid thirties. He was wearing a pair of boot cut jeans, some grey sneakers, and a red t-shirt with some sort of football logo on it. The man was saying something but it took a minute for Alec to process his words.

"I am so sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going. Are you alright?" He asked as he extended one of his hands.

The shadowhunter hesitantly took it and let himself be pulled back up onto his feet. He brushed the dust off the back of his jeans and eyed the man cautiously. He did literally just knock his ass into the floor afterall.

"I'm alright."

The mundane smiled at him, toothy and entirely too fake for his comfortability.  He extended his hand out towards him again. "My name's Elliot. And yours, handsome?" He asked.

Alec frowned at the pet name. Those kinds of things sounded entirely too wrong coming out of the lips of someone other than Magnus.

"Alec."

He didn't shake his hand. Elliot left it resting there in midair for a few more moments before he finally took the hint that Alec wouldn't be taking it. His smile faltered a little and a flicker of annoyance flashed across his eyes but he remained composed nonetheless. Elliot shoved his hands into his pockets and gave Alec a once-over, staring him down like he was a piece of meat.

"So, Alec, are you here with anyone?" Elliot asked.

"No," he blurted out, mentally smacking himself in the head for doing so. He should've lied. Made up some imaginary boyfriend to get this mundie to leave him alone. But judging from the aura Alec was sensing from this guy he didn't seem like the type to back off so easily. So perhaps not.

Elliot's grin only grew that much larger in size. "Neither am I. Would you care to have a dance with me?"

The shadowhunter almost choked on his own breath. He felt so uncomfortable he was on the verge of just bolting. He was out of his element here. He was so unused to being flirted with by people other than his warlock ex boyfriend that it threw him off big time. This just felt...weird.

Alec cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to pass on that one," he replied.

The hunter didn't like the rage that instantly passed over the man's face. Obviously this guy wasn't used to being rejected. Which was surprising, really, considering how fake his sickeningly-sweet politeness clearly was. Honestly, mundanes could be so oblivious sometimes.

"I get it. You're more of a 'skip straight to the point' kind of man, hm?" Elliot chuckled.

A gasp was ripped from Alec's throat as the mundane suddenly reached forward and grabbed him by the ass, yanking his body forward and into the guy's chest. Elliot's other hand reached out to tangle into his mop of black hair and just as he was starting to pull Alec towards him for a kiss, he was shoved back abruptly. Elliot stumbled, barely catching himself from falling and crashing into the floor. Alec whipped his head around and saw another man standing there, mild annoyance turning his lips down into a displeased frown.

"What the hell, dude?" Elliot growled.

The stranger rolled his eyes, as if he had much better things to do than give this guy even a shred of his precious time. "If I'm not mistaken, I believe this guy told you to back off. So don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Elliot's eyes lit up with flames. He began to storm over to the stranger as he raised a fist. "Who the _fuck_ do you think-"

His words were cut off abruptly by a hand wrapping around his throat, effectively shutting him right up. The stranger slammed Elliot back into the wall behind them and leveled him with a look that could kill. Elliot tried to throw the stranger off of him, but his attempts were pointless. He was trapped.

"You have exactly ten seconds to get out of my sight before I start breaking bones," the stranger growled lowly.

With that Elliot's throat was released roughly, causing the man to stumble back against the wall as he gasped for the breath he had previously been denied. He took a few split seconds to regain his bearings before he swiftly disappeared back into the crowd with his theoretical tail between his legs. It was a sight that Alec took great pleasure in witnessing. Served the bastard right. The stranger then turned his attention towards him.

"You okay?" He asked.

Alec nodded once. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you."

The guy smiled. This smile seemed so much more genuine than Elliot's. "No need to thank me. I can't stand guys like him. Can't seem to take no for an answer," he shrugged.

The man went to leave, but Alec stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. For some reason, he felt like he should do something to repay him for getting him out of that situation with Elliot. He didn't have to do anything at all, but he stepped up and helped him out when he needed it most. That was a sort of kindness that was rare to find these days.

"Hey, I never got your name," he said.

The stranger turned back around to face him. "It's Grayson."

"Well, would you like me to buy you a drink? Consider it a thank you for running that asshole off from before," Alec explained.

Grayson seemed slightly hesitant at first. Probably because he didn't really know Alec all that well. But he ended up accepting his offer anyways. The two men fought their way through the sea of people in front of them to reach the bar on the opposite side of the room. It took several minutes, but finally they were able to grab some seats and order a couple of drinks. Alec stook with what he was most familiar with. A simple beer. But Grayson seemed to know his way around alcohol a lot better than he did because he ended up with some complex looking drink that with a name that Alec knew he wouldn't be able to pronounce even if he tried.

Alec had no idea what to expect when he'd sat down at this bar, but he never expected to enjoy himself as much as he was. As it turned out, he and Grayson had a lot in common. A similiar taste in books, the same hatred for spiders, they both were the oldest in their families, and etc. This was definetly someone Alec could see himself becoming good friends with. It was rare for him to find people he liked enough to keep in contact; let alone one of those being a mundane. Hence why his list of friends was relatively miniscule.

"Why haven't I see you around here before?" Grayson asked with a slight quirk to his eyebrow.

The hunter waved him off with a dismissive shrug. "Places like these aren't really within my comfort zone. Too many people and too little space," he replied after swallowing down the sip of alcohol he'd had in his mouth.

Grayson opened his mouth to reply back, but slowly closed it again and began to stare at a point behind Alec's head. He turned to see what exactly he was so focused on and almost groaned aloud when he saw that that Elliot guy from earlier was walking straight in their direction.

_'Please don't come over here,'_ Alec's mind repeated over and over again faster and faster the closer the guy came.

Unfortunately, luck wasn't ever really in his favor, so within a mere few moments Elliot was back in his face again. He seemed much calmer this time around, but if Alec studied his face close enough he could just barely read a hint of lingering agitation. The shadowhunter leveled him with the bitchiest glare he could muster; trying to make it as clear as possible that he wasn't welcome anywhere near him anymore. It didn't work of course. But it had been worth the try.

"Hey, I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted earlier. I was pretty out of line," Elliot began.

Alec rolled his eyes. Before he had the chance to reply, Grayson had already beat him to the punch.

The blonde scoffed. "You just don't give up do you?" He asked, astonishment evident in his voice. Alec turned back around to see Grayson's face buried in his hands with his fingers rubbing soothing circles into his own forehead. He seemed beyond irritated.

Elliot looked like he was about to snap back with an angry retort, but seemed to think better of it, and bit harshly on his own tongue. "I'm speaking to Alec. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry is all. And I was wondering if I could buy you another drink?" He proposed.

Alec only snorted. "Fat chance."

The mundane clenched his fists at his sides, glaring daggers at Grayson's head from behind him. "Oh, I understand. You'd rather hook up with someone closer to your age. I'm too fucking old for you, huh?" He spat.

_'I_ _f only you knew,'_ Alec laughed internally.

"No. As a matter of fact, I've been with someone much older than you. The reason I don't even feel like giving you the time of day is because I'd much rather have someone that isn't an entitled asshole in my company," Alec snapped back.

Elliot looked like he was about to saying something else, but slammed his mouth shut with a shake of his head. He muttered out a low "fuck you" before storming back off into the crowd. Alec felt relieved to see him finally take his leave. The real question was if he'd stay gone this time once he cooled back down again. When the hunter turned around, he saw Grayson sitting there with his nose pinched tight between his fingers, eyes closed and mouth pressed into a thin white line.

"That guy is on my every last fuckin nerve," he grumbled.

Alec hummed in agreement before he took another drink of his beer. He needed to be a little more drunk than this if he would be having to deal with that asshole again at any other point in the night. Grayson huffed and slid his own glass to the side and frowned.

"I can't drink anymore. If I do my patience will only get stretched even thinner," he chuckled.

The hunter smirked and opened his mouth; but his response was abruptly cut off by the sound of a cell phone ringing from somewhere nearby. Grayson shot him an apologetic smile and pulled his vibrating phone from his back pocket. He looked at the caller ID and a frown pulled at the corners of his lips. He swiped to accept and put the device to his ear, covering his other with his hand.

"Hello?"

Alec couldn't hear the words from the person on the other line, but he could vaguely hear the voice. It sounded female. She was frantic, talking in fast sentences with barely any pauses for breath in between. Grayson's frown grew more concerned by the second. Finally, the woman stopped and he was able to get a word in.

"What the hell were you thinking?" He snapped.

Alec couldn't hear the woman anymore. She had probably stopped yelling and had calmed down enough to talk in a normal tone of voice.

"Okay, okay. Just stay put and I'll be there soon," Grayson sighed before clicking the lock button on his phone to end the call.

Before he had the chance to ask him what was wrong, the mundane was already paying the bartender for the drinks and shrugging his jacket back on.

"I'm so sorry, Alec. That was one of my friends. She and her boyfriend were just arrested for vandalism. I have to go pick her up from the station," he explained.

Alec couldn't fight the disappointment he felt at the news. He had been enjoying their conversation from before. It had been one of the rare few times as of late that the hunter didn't feel overwhelmed with misery. He supposed he'd just have to go back to his original plan. Drowning his sorrows until midnight. He glanced up at the clock hanging up above the bar and was relieved to see that he only had about an hour left to suffer through. He could do this.

He nodded in understanding. "No need to apologize. I'll see you around?"

Grayson grinned. "Come back here next Saturday night and you sure will," he suggested before heading for the doors.

And with that he was gone. Alec sighed and stared down at his drink, swirling it around the glass and watching the liquid hit the sides of the mug. He downed the rest of it in one go, immediately waving the bartender over afterwards for a refill.

Elliot never showed up again. At least, not that Alec was aware of. It was now almost a quarter to midnight, and he was so drunk he could barely sit upright on his stool. If he was in the right frame of mind, he would've been concerned that he was this wasted after only having three glasses of beer. But he wasn't. His thoughts were starting to get far too jumbled up to make any sense of them at all. Alec just wanted to go home. Home. Magnus. He wanted Magnus. That's the only thought he could actually get straight.

He fumbled around for his phone and pulled it out of the back pocket of his jeans, but instead of keeping his grip on it and pulling it up to his face like he'd originally intended, he dropped the phone and it hit the floor behind him. Alec groaned and hopped down from the bar stool to bend down and retrieve his cell. But he moved way too fast, and his head spun around in circles. He stumbled and tripped over his own feet, hitting the floor just the same as his phone had. He frowned and snatched the device back up, unlocking the thing with his fingerprint. Thank the angel for that little feature.

It took him a good few minutes to find his messages with Magnus. The last of which being a few weeks ago. Why was that? Surely he and his boyfriend talked much more than that? Whatever. He couldn't put much more thought into it. The keyboard popped up for him to write his text and his frown only deepened. The letters looked too jumbled together to read out some of them properly, but he pushed on anyways. He just wanted to go home.

_Alec: Msnus cime gt m3? im tesdy ro g9 hone._

He sent the message and shoved the cell back into his pocket, hoping his warlock would be here soon. He had portals. So as soon as his boyfriend saw the text he could be at the...wait, where was he again? Alec looked around the room, racking his brain and trying his damnest to remember where on earth he was at. He had nothing. All he could see from the floor was a bunch of random people milling around.

"Hey...you...okay?" He heard from somewhere above him. It sounded like the voice of the guy that was giving him beer earlier. What did they call those guys again? Oh right, bartenders.

Alec nodded. "M good. Jus had too mush to drink," he slurred, his words sounding more mixed together than he'd intended.

He felt the bartender's hands wrap around his underarms as he yanked him back up to his feet. Alec's stomach gave a violent lurch. The nausea hit him like a freight train. He scrambled for purchased on the counter in front of him and gripped onto it for dear life. It gave him the stability he needed to stand upright on his own. The bartender let him go once he saw that Alec had regained his balance. The hunter then felt a hand grab onto his shoulder.

"Don't...my brother...I'll...home," another voice cut in.

Alec recognized this voice from somewhere. He couldn't quite place it, but he just knew that he knew it. He was just too afraid to turn around and look at the man out of fear of losing his balance and falling back into the floor. It was probably Magnus! He was supposed to be coming to get him any minute now. The bartender argued with Magnus for a minute, but after what seemed like several hours, he stopped and went back around to the other side of the bar. Alec felt Magnus put an arm around his waist from behind, helping him walk towards the front doors of the room.

"Manus," he sighed, smiling as his eyes began to droop.

"It's...got you...care of you," Magnus replied.

Alec only nodded. He was far too out of it to piece any further replies together. Luckily, Magnus was able to get him into a cab before he finally let the exhaustion overtake his body as he passed out in the seat.

~~~

Alec regained conciousness as he felt a sharp, intense pain rip throughout his body, starting at his backside. He felt every urge inside of him to scream, but he just couldn't. Instead he grumbled out some sort of protest and struggled to move, trying but failing to regain control over his muscles. The pain ripped through him over and over again, barely giving him any time at all to catch his breath. It hurt so much and no matter how hard he tried to get away from whatever it was he just couldn't.

The shadowhunter opened his eyes slowly and tried to see if he could recognize anything about where he was. But he couldn't do that either. It looked like it was someone's bedroom, but nobody's that he'd ever been in before. As he started to get more control over his senses, he realized that he was laying on his stomach, face buried in something soft. He used what little strength he could muster to slide his fingers upwards and touched whatever his head was resting on. It felt like a pillow. So he was on a bed. Okay. Progress.

Alec's ears were the next thing to regain their sense. The faint sounds of heavy panting and grunting started getting louder and louder by the second, the source coming from somewhere behind him. His heart began to pick up speed, fear ripping through him like a tidal wave. He weakly threw his fist back at whoever was behind him, barely even causing any impact on the bare chest his hand made contact with. Alec was growing more terrified by the second. He'd experienced pain before, but never like this. And he'd never felt so out of control before. So fucking powerless. He felt fingers thread through his hair and yank his head back hard, causing him to cry out softly. The hand slammed his head into the headboard in front of him, and with that the darkness overtook him again.

~~~

Isabelle's breath caught in her throat as the portal closed behind her. Not one of the three shadowhunters uttered a word, every single one frozen in place. They had landed in some hotel room in Queens, nothing fancy but certainly not trashy either. The room only held one occupant. Her brother.

Alec was laying facedown on the bed, naked save for the sheet just barely covering his backside. He wasn't moving at all, she couldn't even tell if he was breathing. But that wasn't the worst of it. Because the worst of it was what she saw directly below the sheet and running all down both of his legs. Blood. Lots of it. Everywhere. Soaking the sheets below him and coating the backs of his thighs. 

Isabelle couldn't move. All she could do was cover her mouth and scream.


	3. Trauma

_Alec:_ _Msnus cime gt m3? im tesdy ro g9 hone._

Magnus stared down at the latest text on his cell phone, unblinking. Daylight was just starting to creep through the cracks in the blinds and curtains of his bedroom, and he'd been oh so rudely awoken by his needy little cat demanding every last ounce of his attention. Magnus had opened his phone to turn off the alarm he'd set for a few hours later in the day, when he saw the message he received from his ex boyfriend last night.

It was time stamped _11:41pm_. Not too long after he'd retired for the evening, interestingly enough. Instead of being angry at the fact that Alec had texted him last night when he'd made it explicitly clear his number was to be used for emergencies only ever since they split, he just felt concerned. Alexander was a very meticulous individual. With everything he did. His work, his training, his schedules.

His writing.

There's no way Alexander would've typed like this if he was even remotely coherent. He must've been completely drunk off his ass. But even so, Magnus had never seen Alexander write like this even at his drunkest point. That was what had him so worried. He could read just from this one text alone that Alexander had been beyond delirious at the time. Magnus really hadn't wanted to do this so soon, but he felt that in this situation it was needed. He had to go see the shadowhunter. To at least check up on him and see if he was okay. Yes, at least that much.

Magnus rolled himself out from the comforts of his silken sheets and snapped his fingers, instantly removing his pajama bottoms and dressing himself up into a pair of skin-tight leather pants with a blazer over a maroon colored shirt. Just because he felt like shit that didn't mean he needed to look like it too. Another snap and his hair and makeup were done as well. Magic was just so convenient. Especially during times like these when he was feeling too depressed to physically do anything with himself at all. Unfortunately though, it wouldn't give him the time he wanted to stall.

He was nervous to say the least. He hadn't seen Alexander face to face in well over a month. It wasn't like he didn't want to see him, it was just that he didn't think his heart could handle it without shattering all over again. He missed the shadowhunter something fierce.

His worry for the man overrode his fear and that was what pushed him to conjure up a portal to the institute. With a quick deep breath to steady his nerves, he stepped through and out onto the other side. The wards easily accepted him inside the building; he'd been the one to put them up afterall. It was all his magic.

There weren't many shadowhunters milling about at the moment. Most were probably trying to catch up on some sleep after a long night filled with patrolling and missions. He hoped that's where he would find Alec as well. Luckily for him, nobody gave him any trouble. A few dirty looks maybe, but that was about as far as it went. He'd just reached the elevators and was getting ready to press the button for Alec's bedroom floor when the doors abruptly slid open.

"Magnus!" Clary smiled, albeit slightly forced. She reached out and gave him a friendly hug anyways.

The warlock smiled and returned the gesture. "Why hello, biscuit. How are you doing this morning?" He asked.

The redheaded shadowhunter pulled back away from him with a frown. Something wasn't quite right with her. Her eyes were guarded, hiding something behind them that she so obviously didn't want him to see. "Fine, really. What're you doing here?" She replied, answering his question with a question. Aversion.

Magnus' worry only seemed to grow that much stronger by baring witness to her fishy behavior. "I'm here to see, Alexander," he admitted.

Clary frowned, crossing her arms over her chest and standing her ground firmly in front of the elevator doors. "I'm sorry Magnus. Right now just isn't a very good time," she replied softly.

He narrowed his eyes. What was that supposed to mean? What exactly was it that she was trying to hide from him? "What exactly aren't you telling me, Clarissa?" He asked.

Clary shifted uncomfortably in place. "Magnus, please. Just come back in a few days, okay?"

There was something in her voice. A silent plea for him to just listen. To leave well enough alone and ignore what was staring him right in the face. But he couldn't do that. Not when it was something where Alexander was involved. Maybe it would be better if he did, better for his own heart and his own stability. But knowing that something was seriously wrong with Alec and choosing to just not doing anything about it was impossible for him to do. He had to see him. There was no other way around it.

"No. I need to see him and I need to see him now. Where is he?"

Clary sighed in defeat, her shoulders slumping slightly under the weight of the burden that had been weighing her down. When she looked back up at him he was shocked to see her eyes beginning to well up with unshed tears, her bottom lip trembling slightly. He suddenly began to feel bad about being so demanding. Perhaps he should've phrased his words a little better.

Despite the fact that the shadowhunter looked like she was about to break down and cry, she answered him anyway. "Infirmary," she whispered before darting off in the direction of the ops center.

_No..._

Magnus ditched the elevator and shoved open the door that led to the stairs. He needed to get up there as fast as possible. He climbed the flights faster than he'd ever ran in his life, adrenaline and fear driving his every step. Alexander was hurt. Something happened and it was so bad that it even had Clary, of all people, distraught to the point of tears. Alec wasn't exactly her favorite person in the world. So to see her break down like that over something concerning him was something of a shock.

He slammed open the door to the floor that the infirmary was on and took off down the halls, pushing past any and everyone that stood in his way. It took longer than he wished, but finally he stood in the entryway of the institute's infirmary. What he saw inside made his heart stutter to a brief stop.

Alexander was lying on one of the single beds, unconscious. His face was twisted up into something that Magnus dare say resembled an expression of fear. Magnus couldn't see very much, what with the pure white sheets covering him from his chest to his toes, but what he did see was something he wished he hadn't. Alexander's arms were resting over the blankets, and were littered in various bruises. Some resembled the shapes of fingers. The worst part was his head. It was wrapped up in a bandage, indicating a serious injury underneath.

_"_ _Oh Lilith,"_ he breathed.

Before Magnus even knew what was happening, his legs were already carrying him inside the room and right to Alec's side. He hesitated at first, but slowly reached his fingers out to brush them gently across the younger man's cheek, silent tears slipping down his face at the sight of the one he loved so badly hurt. That's how he stood for the following hour. Stroking across various areas of Alexander's face in an expression of comfort and trying to stop the tears from falling.

The warlock jerked his hand away at the sound of high heels clacking down the hall outside and right in his direction. He turned around just in time to see Alexander's younger sister, Isabelle, coming in through the doorway with her nose practically buried in a handful of fresh-looking paperwork. It took her a few seconds to realize that there was someone other than Alec in the room, nearly running right into Magnus' chest. She skid to a stop and her eyes widened comically at the sight on him.

"Magnus," she gasped.

He almost replied with a witty retort, but stopped short as he finally took in the full sight of the youngest Lightwood woman. Her face was red and puffy, makeup smudged harshly beneath her lashline. Seeing her in such a state shocked him to the core. Even when she was suffering from yin fen addiction she hadn't dared let herself look anything less than perfectly put together. Magnus couldn't take this anymore. He needed answers. Right now.

"Isabelle what's happened?" He asked.

The shadowhunter bit her lip and choked back a sob. She tossed the paperwork onto a table nearby and threw her arms up around his neck. He stroked her hair softly, humming an old Indonesian lullaby he'd heard a lot during his childhood. Isabelle held him so tight his neck began to ache, but he didn't mind too much. If Isabelle needed a hug then dammit she'd get a hug. It was as simple as that.

It took the woman awhile to calm herself again, but when she did she pulled herself away and brushed the wrinkles out of her shirt. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves, and looked Magnus dead in his eyes only after she was perfectly composed again.

"Magnus, last night, Alec-"

The warlock didn't hear the rest of what she was about to tell him. Because at that moment his mind nearly shut completely down as a pair of strong hands wrapped themselves around his neck and slammed his body up against a nearby wall. His boots just barely dangled above the tiled floors, but it was more than enough for him to have absolutely no control over his body. In the far off distance Magnus could hear Isabelle screaming something, but the ringing in his ears was far too loud to make out the words.

What Magnus should've done was summon up his magic and throw his assailant right off of him. But his mind had other plans. Suddenly, he wasn't inside the infirmary at the New York Institute anymore. He was back in Indonesia; four centuries earlier, when his home country was still called The Dutch East Indies. Everything was ice cold and dark. His eyes burned but not nearly as much as his chest did as he struggled for breath. Magnus fought and fought against whatever it was that was weighing him down, but only escaped his prison for mere seconds before being plundged back inside. It was enough.

Those quick few breaths of air were enough to keep him fighting for just a little bit longer. As he inhaled, he could vaguely hear the sounds of the crickets singing their beautiful song in the background, a stark contrast to the screams of terror he let out before his head was submerged back into the water.

Magnus was snapped back to reality as his throat was released from the iron grip it had been encased within before. He was far too weak to stand upright once his boots hit the floor, so he just collapsed against the wall and slid down until his ass hit the cold tile underneath as he coughed violently and gasped for air. He slowly blinked until everything around him came back into focus. And he flinched at the sight from across the room.

Alexander was awake and out of bed, screaming up a storm as Isabelle and Aline were trying to hold him back from lunging straight at him. Where Aline had came from, Magnus had no idea. Isabelle had probably been screaming for help whenever he heard her earlier. But Magnus couldn't focus on it very much because his mind was too narrowed in on the fact that Alexander, of all people, was the one that had been choking him.

Alec had actually attacked him. He'd grabbed him by his throat and slammed his body up against the wall. He'd tried to kill him. Magnus was speechless. He couldn't understand why or how Alec could do that to him. His heart got stuck in his throat as he continued to watch his ex boyfriend lose his goddamn mind on the other side of the infirmary.

"We need some help in here!" Aline called out as she struggled to keep a firm grip on her cousin's flailing right arm.

Luckily the two women were able to keep him back by themselves just long enough for more help to show up. Jace and some other random shadowhunter female raced into the room and assisted Isabelle and Aline with keeping Alexander away from Magnus. While Isabelle, Jace, and Aline held Alec back, the other shadowhunter hurried over to one of the cabinets stuffed to the brim with medical supplies and yanked some restraints out of a bucket.

"Get him on the bed!" She ordered.

Jace grabbed Alec's legs and lifted him up and off of the ground, while Isabelle and Aline kept tight grips on his arms. As they walked him back towards the bed, he flailed around in all different directions, trying but failing to throw himself into the ground and out of their grasps. As they got him closer to the bed, Alexander's screaming started becoming much more legible. And it was all directed at Magnus, if they way the shadowhunter was glaring at him was anything to go by.

"I will kill you! I'm going to fucking kill you! Why the fuck would you do that to me? Why? Why? I hate you!" Alec shrieked as he was thrown back onto the bed, being held down by his siblings and cousin while the other shadowhunter restrained him to the bed by his ankles and wrists.

Once his wrists were secured to the posts, Isabelle let go of her brother and hurried over to retrieve a small bottle of medicine and a syringe. She carefully poured the liquid into it and gave it a little test squirt. Once she was satisified, she walked around the bed to the side that the others weren't currently messing with. Alexander looked up at her, a fear so intense clouding his eyes it gave Magnus chills.

"No!" He screamed, slamming his head back against the pillow and kicking Aline in the shoulder from where she stood at the foot of the bed, trying to assist in fastening the last restraint onto his ankle. The Penhallow woman cried out in shock and stumbled back into a wooden chair, flipping over it and hitting the ground with a loud smack.

Isabelle released a choked sob. "I'm so sorry," she whispered to him gently, grabbing hold of his restrained arm and pushing the needle into the most visible vein she could find. She injected the medicine into his bloodstream, and slowly but surely he began to calm down and his body relaxed. Alexander was unconscious again in no time.

Not a single muscle in Magnus' body seemed to have the ability to move. He was frozen in place. The shock completely overtook him at what had just unfolded before him.

"What...what just happened?" He breathed, voice trembling slightly.

Before anyone else in the room could answer, Isabelle snatched the paperwork she'd walked into the room with earlier up from the table and approached him hesitantly. She bent down so that she could be more eye level with him since he still had yet to pull himself back up off of the floor. Without another word, she sighed and extended the papers out to him, patiently waiting for him to muster up the conscious thought to retrieve them from her grasp.

Once he did, Magnus did a quick scan of the contents of each of the pages. What he saw only confused him even further. If he wasn't so scared of the truth that was sitting right in front of his eyes, he would've been able to understand much faster. But he _was_ scared. So his mind refused to put two and two together.

"What is this..." He whispered, almost regretting having asked right as he did. Did he honestly want to know?

Isabelle clenched her fists tightly at her sides, her emotions quickly morphing into nothing but unbriddled rage. "I performed a drug test on Alec a few hours ago. He tested positive for _rohypnol_ ," she growled lowly.

The warlock shook his head. No way. No way did he just hear what he just heard come out of Isabelle's mouth. This wasn't real. It just couldn't be. Magnus must've been hearing things.

Isabelle's following admittance shut down any possibility for further denial.

"Magnus, last night, Alec was raped."

As the warlock gazed upon the sleeping man in the bed across the room, he couldn't help but think of how sorry whoever did this to Alexander was going to be once Magnus eventually got his hands on them. Accords be damned. It was already decided. Whenever he found this bastard he would never live to see another day. No exceptions.

Magnus finally wobbled back onto his own two feet and glided across the room and back to Alexander's side. He bent down and pushed his messy hair back from his sweat-slicked forehead, kissing a spot just below his bandage before pressing his lips against his ear. And even though logically he knew that Alec wouldn't really hear him, he whispered his promise to him anyways.

"He will pay."


	4. Memory

Alec began to climb his way back to consciousness. Everything was blurred but gradually began to clear as he became more and more alert. He could hear voices off to the side, talking too fast for him to comprehend much of it.

 

What had happened? Why was he in the infirmary? Why did he have a-

 

Suddenly, flashes of the previous night started flying through his head.

 

Texting Magnus to come get him (oh god what the hell had he been thinking). Being picked up off the bar's floor and lead away. Pain... So much pain; radiating from his backside outwards as the sounds of the creaking bed frame and a mans grunting rang out like a gunshot throughout the empty room. Being knocked out.

 

What... How could he...

 

Alec's eyes landed on the perpetrator himself, talking to his little sister off to the side of the bed. No doubt acting innocent and concerned about his wellbeing. Alec began to feel overwhelmed, panicked, even. Memories of the agony from the night before flooded his senses and before he knew what was happening he had Magnus pinned to the wall and his hands were wrapped around his neck.

 

Isabelle was trying to tear him away from Magnus to no avail, and began screaming for help. Aline showed up within mere seconds, and both girls managed to rip him away from the pinned warlock.

 

"We need some help in here!" Aline called out as she struggled to keep a firm grip on her cousin's flailing right arm.

 

Soon, his parabatai and Macie Blackwell came barreling through the infirmary doors as well. Jace immediately joined Isabelle and Aline in their struggle to hold Alec back from lunging at Magnus while Macie rifled through a cabinet and produced a pair of restraints.

 

"Get him on the bed!" Macie snapped.

 

Alec roared and began to scream in Magnus' direction. He attempted to kick Jace in the chest as he lifted his legs off the floor and fought to gain control of them. The three shadowhunters guided him towards his bed while he did his best to fight them all off. But it was no use. Alec may be strong, but three against one was terrible odds.

 

"I will kill you! I'm going to fucking kill you! Why the fuck would you do that to me? Why? Why? I hate you!" Alec cried as his siblings and cousin tossed him back onto the bed. Macie began to tie him down with the restraints.

 

Once his wrists were bound, Isabelle disappeared off to the side of the room. Alec struggled, and pulled hard at the restraints, but it was a fruitless attempt. The only thing it did was send sharp flares of pain up from his wrists to the tips of his fingers. Isabelle reappeared with a syringe full of medicine. Something to knock him out for sure. But with what had happened to him the night before, the last thing he wanted was to lose alertness. Fear washed over him like a tidal wave.

 

"No!" Alec screamed, slamming his head back and kicking out and striking his cousin in her shoulder from where she was attempting to restrain him further. He heard a loud bang and a crack afterwards but couldn't lift his head to see what had happened.

 

Isabelle choked on a sob as she gazed down at him, remorse and regret heavy in her big brown eyes. "I'm so sorry," she murmured softly as she grabbed his arm and shoved the needle into the fold of his arm. Slowly, Alec felt his limbs relax and his eyes grow heavy. With fear still clouding every inch of his body, he faded away again.

 

~~~

 

"Hey big brother," Isabelle smiled at him from where she stood at the foot of his bed.

 

His bed. Not the infirmary's. He was back in his own bedroom. Just how long had he been out? How had he even gotten here?

 

Alec blinked and slowly rose from the sheets, careful and wary of his beaten physical state. He groaned as his muscles stretched, joints popping due to lack of usage. He had to have been out for some odd days. He hadn't felt his body do this in a long while.

 

"How long was I asleep?" He asked.

 

Isabelle frowned, eyebrows scrunched in deep thought. "Mmm... Four days I believe."

 

"What the hell did you give me? Benadryl?"

 

She cracked a smile.

 

"I have you some nice, homecooked breakfast over here!" Isabelle enthused as she showed him a plate wrapped up in aluminium foil.

 

"Pass."

 

"Jace made it."

 

"Accept."

 

She rolled her eyes as she unwrapped the plate and handed it to him. "You are such an asshole."

 

The food looked pretty good. Sausage links, hasbrowns, and scrambled eggs all piled high. It looked ridiculously huge for one person, but granted the fact he hadn't eaten in four days, it was reasonable. He grabbed the fork and immediately dug in. Definitely not Isabelle's cooking. That was a huge relief.

 

"Thank you," he mumbled out between a bite of the cheesy eggs.

 

"I believe it's actually me you have to thank, buddy," Jace grinned as he walked through the threshold of the door.

 

Isabelle swatted at him.

 

The two shadowhunters let him eat in peace after that, thankfully. They both sat at the edge of his bed and waited patiently for him to finish as they talked about some recent mission involving a swarm of Elapid demons. Alec tuned them out as he enjoyed his first meal after several days without food. It wasn't a bad way to start the day. His siblings by his side, relaxing in bed with a plate of breakfast, the early morning sun peeking in through the curtains. Everything was perfect.

 

Except that it wasn't.

 

The flashbacks hit him instantaneously. He just couldn't seem to catch a break. The memory of the nausea and the dizziness from the alcohol and whatever drug Magnus had used to incapacitate him started going through his mind. Magnus had actually drugged him and hurt him. How could he do that to him? Alec loved him... Or at least, he thought he did until last night.

 

Alec shoved the rest of his food to the side and began to cry.

 

Jace and Izzy were on him in an instant. Hugging him and touching him and comforting him and touching him and soothing his cries and touching him and touching him and touching him-

 

"Stop!" Alec shrieked.

 

They immediately flinched back at his outburst. Alec felt bad, he could tell he hurt their feelings at least a little bit. But he just couldn't bare any physical contact at the moment. It was making him downright uncomfortable and maybe even a little... Frightened? The touching was just too overwhelming to handle right now.

 

"M'sorry," he mumbled.

 

"Don't worry about it, Alec. Just talk to us. What's going on in that head of yours?" Isabelle replied.

 

Alec pulled his lip between his teeth and glanced away. "I... I just can't believe this really happened. I knew he was angry, but I didn't know he was angry enough to do something like this," he sobbed.

 

Jace's jaw dropped. "You mean you know who did it?"

 

He nodded. "Magnus."

 

Isabelle sighed. "No, big brother. You're confused. Magnus didn't do that to you."

 

"Yes he did. I texted him asking him to pick me up and he picked me up."

 

She rested a cautious hand on his knee before she replied again, a sign of comfort for the impact she was about to slam him down with. "Alec, there was rohypnol in your bloodstream. It's a mundane date rape drug."

 

So that's what made him feel so dizzy and out of it? He was right! He knew Magnus had drugged him somehow. "So?"

 

"So... Why would Magnus need to put you out with a mundane drug? Why not just use his magic?" Isabelle argued.

 

Then, suddenly, everything didn't make sense anymore.

 

Because Isabelle was right. Why would Magnus need to use a drug when he was a warlock with literal magic at his fingertips? Magic was undetectable in the bloodstream, whereas rohypnol was not. Magnus couldn't have been the one to do this. It had to have been another kind of downworlder or a mundane. Mundane...

 

"Tim," he spat out.

 

Isabelle and Jace both shot him matching inquisitive looks.

 

"Tim is the bartender of that bar I went to. I talked to him some. Maybe we can find out something from him," Alec elaborated.

 

"Okay, good call. Is there any other mundies you talked to?" Jace asked.

 

Alec frowned. "I'm not sure. Everything is pretty fuzzy."

 

"That's normal. Rohypnol does that. It's okay though. Jace and I will start with the bartender and work our way out from there," Isabelle informed him.

 

"And what am I supposed to do?" Alec scoffed.

 

"Lay there and focus on getting better," Jace replied.

 

~~~

 

That night, Jace and Isabelle geared up in their evening best and portaled to the bar Alec had described to them downtown. It was a pretty nice place for the area it was in. The bartender wasn't very hard to spot. Catching him for a conversation sure was though. He was fairly busy pouring everyone's drinks and chatting up the guests. So Jace and Isabelle took a seat at the barstools and waited their turn.

 

"What can I get for you?" Tim asked.

 

Jace leveled him with the most serious look Isabelle had ever seen on him. "Information."

 

"Oh? Drink first."

 

So the duo ordered their respective drinks. Jace a whiskey sour and Isabelle a mai tai. After they've finally made their selections and recieved their orders, the bartender leans against the counter.

 

"What can I help you with?"

 

Jace took a sip of his drink and licked his lips. The bartender stared. "We'd like a copy of your security tapes dating back to the night of June 28th."

 

Tim frowned. "Sorry sir. The footage from that night somehow got erased. We've been having a huge issue with that the last few months. Every couple of weeks we'll lose some footage," he explained.

 

Dammit.

 

"Well how about you just tell us what you remember about my brother?" Isabelle asked.

 

Tim only snorted. "Do you know how many guys I get in here a night? I can't remember most of 'em."

 

Isabelle scrolled through her phone and showed the man the most recent picture of her brother she had. A glint of recognition flashed across his face.

 

"Ah yes. I remember him. I can usually rememeber the pretty ones. He talked an awful lot about you and his brothers. Other than the guy that kept trying to get in his pants, I can't really remember much else."

 

Jace piped up, excitement lighting up his face at the new lead. "What's this guy's name?"

 

"Elliot. He's actually right over there. The one humping that latino guy in the navy shirt," Tim supplied helpfully.

 

The duo glanced over and sure enough off to the side on the dance floor humping the man described to them was an average looking older male with blue eyes and a wicked smile. He just looked creepy from even a distance. Isabelle's blood boiled. She felt like she could now put a face to the man who attacked her brother. And while Alec was usually the protective one, Isabelle was too given the right circumstances. These were certainly the right ones.

 

"Let's wait for him to finish dancing. He may be more willing to talk to us if we don't interrupt," Jace suggested.

 

Isabelle wanted to interrupt. Oh, she wanted to do far more than just interrupt. She wanted to tear him away from his partner and rip his fucking throat open and lay his intestines out for all to see. But Jace was right. Now was not the right moment. They needed to time this just right. Elliot didn't seem like the kind of guy to supply information out of the kindness of his heart when irritated. And ripping him away from his partner was definetly grounds for possible irritation.

 

So they would wait for him to finish. Then they would question him about Alec. And by Raziel if Elliot hurt her sweet big brother she would make sure he would never walk again.

 


	5. Addiction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter could possibly be triggering to those who have dealt with drug addiction before. Please consider yourself warned.

It was a few weeks later that Alec finally ventured back into that bar.

 

Izzy and Jace hadn't gotten much out of that Elliot guy. He was as stuck up as they came. The only bit of helpful information he'd given was that there was another guy that had ran him off from Alec. So while Izzy and Jace kept a close eye on Elliot, Alec decided he would pay the bar a second visit to see if it could rejog his memory about this second guy or something else.

 

The few weeks it took him to gain the courage to come back here were the worst of his life. The flashbacks would hit just when he began to feel himself relax. And the worst part was that he was starting to remember a little more details about his... Assault. Just little unhelpful pieces that only served to torture him late into the nights. The pain and the anger and the humiliation would not give. Every single second of every single day. It was absolutley soul-crushing.

 

He felt like he was drowning in a sea of misery and depression. It was some of the worst of his life. The trauma was so severe it had him waking up at night to the sounds of his own screams echoing around the walls of his bedroom. The first couple of nights Izzy and Jace would race down the halls and into his room to console him. That was until he started putting a soundless rune on the door every evening before bed. No use distrubing their sleep just because he couldn't have his.

 

He gazed up at the sign of the bar, feet glued to the sidewalk. It was like a forcefield was blocking him from entering the establishment. In all reality, it was just his own fears. So the shadowhunter put on a brave face, took a deep breath, and shoved open the door.

 

Nothing clicked. It was just a stupid bar with a bunch of men inside. His memory wasn't picking up on anything of importance. He sighed. Maybe he just needed time.

 

So Alec took a seat at the bar and waited around, scanning the bar for anything or anyone that looked familiar. Nothing. The frustration was beginning to grow. He had pushed past his trauma and fears and came in here just to find nothing more at all.

 

That's when he spotted the security cameras. He thought back to what Isabelle and Jace had said about the footage from that night being erased. But it couldn't hurt to try, right? He wasn't getting anything helpful out here. Maybe he could sneak in the back and see if he could somehow recover the missing footage. Or maybe trigger some other possible memory from that night.

 

Alec got up from his stool and weaved his way through the crowd to the back of the building, where the offices were. He looked around, making sure nobody was paying attention, before he stepped through the hall and approached the bar manager's office. He leant his ear against the door and listened in for any noises coming from inside. Not a peep, thankfully. He reached down and tried the handle and it was locked, of course. But that was an easy fix.

 

He pulled his stele out from his boot and drew an unlocking rune on the door. The lock popped open and with another careful glance behind his shoulder, Alec creeped into the room.

 

Inside it was just a simple old office. There was not one damn thing notable about the place other than a few pictures hung up on the walls. He was just about to skip right over them all, when one caught his eye.

 

It was a picture of a young man in a cap and gown at a graduation ceremony, holding up a diploma with a bright, toothy grin on his face. The image didn't look too old, and his instincts were proven correct when he looked in the background and saw a banner hanging up with the words 'Regis High School Class of 2016' in big bold lettering. But none of that was important. What was important was the memory that the image triggered from his brain.

 

_"Why haven't I see you around here before?" A man asked with a slight quirk to his eyebrow._

 

_Alec_ _waved him off with a dismissive shrug. "Places like these aren't really within my comfort zone. Too many people and too little space," he replied after swallowing down the sip of alcohol he'd had in his mouth._

 

The man from his flashback was the same man from this photo, albeit slightly older. Alec quickly whipped out his phone and took pictures of all the photos hanging in the room with the man from his flashback in them. The manager could be coming back anytime. Time to move on.

 

Alec put his cell away and walked around the desk and to the monitor. Luckily, it was still open on the browser. The manager must've been here recently. And if he didn't lock his computer he must be coming back soon, Alec realized with a start. He needed to move quicker. Alec searched the computer's files for the video footage, and after a few precious minutes of searching, finally found the security feed. He went back some odd weeks to the night he was here, and sure enough the footage skipped right from June 27th over to June 29th.

 

So the bartender was being honest. And all of this, besides the photos, had been one big dead end. Great.

 

Alec could barely contain the disappointment inside of him. He'd gotten his hopes up all for nothing. He exited out of the feed and opened the browser back up. He really needed to get back out to the bar before the manager came back. He could always apply a glamour, but what was the point in staying here any longer? He'd came here for answers, and had gotten all the ones there were to get. Why would he-

 

His train of thought was instantly derailed. In the corner of the room, nearest the bookshelf, was a filing cabinet. But what caught his attention was not the cabinet itself, but the label slapped onto the very bottom drawer; 'Private: Off Limits'. It was probably nothing, and Alec was probably just wasting more time, but it couldn't hurt to at least give it a look.

 

So he pulled his stele back out and approached the filing cabinet. He bent down on one knee and applied another unlocking rune. The drawer popped open easily. Alec peered inside and his eyes lit up like stars.

 

For some reason, the manager had a filing cabinet filled with supposed 'missing footage' labeled with dates. Alec knew this because towards the very front of the cabinet was a file labeled "June 28th Footage" and inside was a DVD. This was an even better find than Alec had predicted. But what did this even mean? Was the manager involved? Was he covering for somebody? Why did he-

 

Alec cried out as somebody grabbed him by his hair from behind and yanked his head to the side. He didn't have hardly any time to react before a needle was injected into his neck and a rag was shoved in his face. He was out within seconds.

 

~~~

 

Deja vu hit Alec like a freight train when he woke up in the infirmary again. Isabelle was there at his bedside, sitting in a chair beside him and holding one of his hands in hers with red-rimmed eyes. He would've been more concerned about her state if he wasn't so terrified of his own right now.

 

His head was pounding harder than it ever had been in his entire life. It felt like someone had smashed it straight through a brick wall. He had a fever, and assumed Izzy knew as much judging by the lack of covers and the cool rag spread across his forehead. He felt kind of nauseous, like he needed to vomit but had nothing to throw up. What alarmed him most of all though was the constant, slight twitching to his fingers that he just couldn't seem to control.

 

"Izzy... What happened?" he whispered, too anxious to speak any louder than that.

 

She looked up at him slowly, eyeing his neck with a tad bit of anger seeping through her demeanor.

 

"Do you remember someone injecting you with anything?"

 

He nodded once. The last thing he remembered was the pain in his neck and the presence of another person behind him. But he was sure that they'd had every intention to kill him. He wasn't sure why he even woke up. What was the point of attacking him if they were going to leave him as a witness?

 

Isabelle was silent for a few moments, seeming to gather the courage to speak again. "Someone injected you with cocaine and smothered you with chloroform."

 

He was too stunned to speak. He had, of course, heard of the drugs before, being around mundane society enough to know that much. But he had no idea why on earth someone would want to inject him with _cocaine_. It made absolutley no sense... Maybe the manager was into some really sketchy shit and didn't want him to out whatever he had found to the the mundie cops? He'd probably acted under the assumption that if he made Alec look guilty then it would make him safe from being exposed.

 

It kinda made sense?

 

Then came the anger. How dare someone force more drugs into his system without his knowledge? Hadn't he already suffered through that enough? And to make matters worse it just had to be some kind of hard street drug they injected him with? This was insane.

 

Isabelle wasn't angry anymore though. Just looked very, very upset and heartbroken for him. It made his anger quell a little bit and simmer down into a mild aggravation. He squeezed the manicured hand she had wrapped around his own, bringing her back to the present with him. She refocused her energy from being enraged on his behalf into making sure he was alright.

 

"How do you feel?" She asked nervously, pulling her lower lip between her teeth.

 

Alec shrugged. "Like a bed of elegant roses."

 

He had a feeling that his current shitty physical state was the only reason Isabelle refrained herself from smacking him upside the head with the back of her hand. She was about to reply, probably something in retaliation to his unnecessary sarcastic comment, when Magnus walked hurriedly into the room with a fresh cool rag in his hand. Everyone froze.

 

"I-I totally forgot you were coming back-" Isabelle stuttered, whipping her head back and forth between Alec and then Magnus. Mostly her attention was on her brother though, muscles locking up in preparation of an oncoming need of defense.

 

Alec held a hand up to stop his little sister mid-sentence. "It's okay," he breathed. "I'm not upset with him anymore."

 

He would've chuckled at Isabelle's comical sigh of relief if his outrageously beautiful ex-boyfriend weren't in the same room as him taking his breath away. And possibly if the atmosphere wasn't so guarded and serious. It honestly felt more suffocating than anything.

 

"Alexander... How are you?" Magnus asked hesitantly, stepping further into the room and closer to the bed with the cool rag still in hand.

 

Alec didn't tense up like he'd expected himself too, so he took that as good a sign as any. "Other than being paranoid and anxious and feeling absolutley terrified at the thought that some kind of hardcore mundie street drug is doing this to my body? I'm perfectly fine," Alec replied.

 

The warlock sighed, pain filling his eyes brought forth by what could only be Alec's response to his question, and closed the distance between the two of them. He gingerly replaced the warm cloth for the cooler one he'd just brought back on Alec's forehead. When he pulled away, he looked like he wanted to do far more than that. Starting with a possible affectionate kiss to his temple; but he refrained from it. Alec didn't know if that upset or relieved him more.

 

"We're going to find who did this, Alexander. They will pay," Magnus said stubbornly.

 

"... Will they, though?"

 

~

 

It was just six days later that Alec was prepping to go back out into the streets again, to take that same path back to the bar he'd walked about a half a dozen times by now. He told himself that this was just another attempt to rejog his memory. That he possibly could've missed something there the first time or he could see somebody new that triggers a memory of that night. But deep down he knew better than to buy that.

 

He laced up his boots, grabbed his wallet, stele, and dagger, and headed out of his room and towards the elevators. He pushed the button to go down just as the doors popped open and there stood Clary seemingly on her way down from Jace's room on the floor above. By the angel, he really couldn't stand to deal with her questions today. He could barely think anymore enough as it was.

 

"Hey, Alec!" She smiled.

 

He grunted out an acknowledgement and hit the button for the ground floor, not noticing the button already glowing from where Clary had clicked it when she'd entered upstairs. She raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

 

"So how are you doing?"

 

He sighed. "I really wish people would stop asking me that."

 

Clary frowned, caught off guard. She never really knew how to deal with an exausted, grumpy Alec. They weren't exactly friends, nor were they enemies either though. So their interactions were hard to come by. But the eldest Lightwood could give her credit where it was due for trying. Because whenever they got into these kinds of situations she would always give talking to him her best shot.

 

"I'm sorry. Stupid question. So where are you headed?" She asked.

 

"For a walk," he replied.

 

"Sounds nice. Can I join?"

 

Alec really didn't mean to groan, but all these questions from her were really starting to trip him up. He could barely keep his mind focused on her words, let alone process them so quickly. She really needed to slow down and talk like a normal person.

 

"It's um... Like, more of a-a personal thing," he managed to spit out, after trying for so long to find a viable excuse for her to stay here and leave him alone.

 

He was beyond thankful to Raziel whenever she nodded her head in understanding, her carrot-colored curls bouncing along with the movement, and actually shut her yapping mouth. They rode the rest of the way in silence, and once they both hit the ground floor went their separate ways. Alec took a deep breath of the nice, fresh air once he'd stepped outside into the Manhattan nightlife.

 

He really didn't feel like walking all the way to Queens from here, so he took the nearest subway and walked from there towards the bar. The atmosphere was warm and inviting. New York was always busy, but things always chilled out a little at night. He loved going out at this time during the day. It gave him the time and space he needed to think. Although at this moment in time, there was only one thing in the world he could think about.

 

Alec was playing with fire and he knew it. He wanted to stop himself, he really did. But at the same time he didn't. The other side of him was winning so he just couldn't. The risk of getting burned wasn't grave enough to him. So he continued walking down the streets up until the atmosphere around him suddenly shifted into something more sinister.

 

The shadowhunter halted in place, head turning to look across the street and at a group of men hanging out in an alcove next to a closed boutique and a sweets shop. They were talking pretty loudly, too loud to blend perfectly with the atmosphere around them all. Alec's eyes widened when one of them grinned and pulled the other into a side-hug, discreetly exchanging a small baggie of white powder for some cash.

 

It wasn't like Alec had never witnessed a mundane drug deal before. He knew how to spot them from a mile away at this point. When you and your team worked mostly at night hunting demons in the streets, you end up seeing other kinds of evil than just demons at one point or another. So yeah, he'd seen this kind of thing go down before.

 

Usually he would simply call up Luke and give him their descriptions and locations. He would let him arrest them and confiscate their products and hope for the best for them and their recoveries. That was every other time but now. Now was different. He was different.

 

Alec carefully crossed the streets, arms crossed productively in on himself as he approached the group. Never had he confronted these men. He'd always let Luke do the confronting. He still didn't know what he was doing or why. Why he was coming up to these dangerous people or why he wasn't turning around and continuing back down the path to the bar to find his answers. He was moving practically on autopilot.

 

The men eyed him suspiciously and each slowly crept their hands down towards their holsters. But that still didn't deter Alec. He was on a mission and would not stop until it was filed away as completed. So he halted before them and stared each and every one of them down. He had the words on his tongue, he was just about to push them up and out of his throat. But when he finally spoke, the words he spat were nothing like the words that his mind had intended to say.

 

"How much?"


	6. Euphoria

Isabelle returned to the Institute late one night after patrol, after making a brief stop at that gay bar in Queens to steal that DVD Alec told her he saw before he'd been assaulted. All she could think about anymore was getting to the bottom of what happened to her brother and helping him understand and deal with his own trauma.

 

It had been over two months since Alec was attacked in that office. Nearly three months since Alec had been raped. She'd spent many nights glamoured as a man in that bar and lying in wait for a perfect opportunity to strike. Whenever the guard that the manager stationed outside his door since Alec was caught breaking in was distracted enough for her to slip past. Finally, tonight she got her chance. And now she was arriving home with her prize in hand. Evidence to her brother's case. She couldn't wait to see him and show him what she'd managed to get her hands on.

 

Hopefully that would make him feel a little better. Lately Alec had been acting pretty... Off. It wasn't anything major, really. Just subtle changes to his demeanor and his personality that kept putting her on edge. She knew she was probably just being paranoid, but she just worried about him. Isabelle knew this was probably just him adjusting to life after going through something so traumatic. She would be naive to expect him to go back to being the same exact big brother she'd always known after going through something like that. The shadowhunter just needed to adjust herself to this new Alec. That's all.

 

Isabelle knocked softly on his bedroom door, knowing it was probably too late for him to be in his office. Probably too late for him to even be awake. It _was_ just after two a.m. Alec was always in bed by midnight whenever he didn't go on any missions. But to her surprise, she heard some scuffling and a quiet curse on the other side of the door after she knocked. It took a good two minutes for Alec to answer the door, which was even more concerning, since she knew very well he'd been awake this whole time. But she decided against commenting on it. Whatever Alec was preoccupied with was his business and unless he decided he wanted to share it with her, it wasn't hers.

 

Her brother was dressed in a pair of soft pajama pants and a loose fitting tank top. His hair was a messy and ruffled atop his head and his pupils seemed a little... Dilated?

 

"Hey, Iz," he breathed, smiling wide from where he towered over her.

 

"Um, hey. So I finally got my hands on that DVD from the bar," Isabelle informed him, flashing the disc in front of his eyes.

 

"Oh cool," Alec replied, seemingly nonchalant to the news. That was strange. He always cared so much about finding new evidence in this case, and now suddenly he was indifferent to it? Something didn't add up.

 

She squinted her eyes at him. "Are you sure you're okay? You've been acting a little weird lately," she pointed out.

 

Alec only snorted, smile still plastered bright on his face. "Me? I've been great. If anyone's been acting weird it's you. Being gone all night long so much. Maybe I should be asking you if _you're_ okay," he huffed.

 

As sarcastic as that comment seemed on the surface, the way Alec had said it and the tone he'd use it to say it with conveyed absolute seriousness. Despite her earlier conviction that this was just him adjusting to the aftermath of his rape, she began to worry again. What if that wasn't what this was at all? She studied him closer.

 

The first thing she'd thought she noticed out of the ordinary was his eyes. And as she took a closer look at them she realized she was right. They were, indeed, dilated. What on earth could've caused that? As she observed him further, she realized that despite how hard he was gripping onto the door, his hand was twitching. As soon as he noticed her eyeing his hand, he snatched it away and shoved it in his pocket. His face had went from all smiles and slightly dopey to full blown angry in seconds.

 

"Why the fuck are you staring at me so hard?" He snapped.

 

Isabelle flinched back at the sudden shift in atmosphere. She couldn't recall a time that her older brother had ever spoken to her like that. With his words dripping such acid and pure rage. She was fairly certain that up until now, he never had. Before she could muster up a reply, she had a door slamming right in her face and Alec was gone again.

 

And as suddenly as nothing had made sense, everything just clicked.

 

Isabelle had been there before. Maybe not in the same way, but she'd felt that kind of euphoria and those emotions race through her body all the same. Alec was high.

 

She wanted to punch herself in the face for how stupid she'd been to think that his wouldn't happen. After Alec woke up from his injection at that bar, she was just so relieved that he was okay that it took her days to stop and think about the possibility of him becoming hooked on the drug. But when she had, she brushed that thought off as soon as it'd hit her mind. Her big brother was strong, far stronger than she had ever been. There was no way he'd succomb to the urges like she had before. He was different. Because he was Alec. Or maybe she was just wishing the problem away. Either way, her negligence to keep an eye on Alec only hurt him in the end. So it didn't much matter.

 

The only thing she could think to do right now as her emotions overwhelmed her was to go see Magnus. He was hundreds of centuries old, he had to have some kind of experience in dealing with this kind of thing. Right now she needed to focus on finding help for her brother not her own feelings. So she put on a brave face and shoved everything as far down inside her as she could.

 

She used the portal rune to leave the institute and arrive at Magnus' loft.

 

~~~

 

Alec waited a good ten minutes for good measure before he scaled his way down the side building of the New York Institute after slamming his door in Isabelle's face. He needed to go out tonight. But if he just waltzed out his room and into the night he knew Isabelle would be looking for it. She was suspicious of him now, he could tell. The way she was staring at his trembling hand unnerved him. So he opted to climb out his bedroom window and hopefully make it down to the ground level without falling to his impending death.

 

Luckily, he did manage to do so. Then off he went to Amadeus in Queens. It was the place that Jason had asked him to meet him at for tonight. And while nightclubs weren't normally Alec's scene, he was willing to go to get what he needed from the guy. That was the important thing here. So by the mental calculations in his head, he should be there around forty after two. Not too incredibly late.

 

So he hailed a cab and over to Queens he went. He hopped out after awhile to see the bright neon lights of the nightclub standing before him. He had expected to be hit with that same wave of annoyance and mission-orientation he always was after he walked through the doors of Pandemonium, but he wasn't. All he felt as he gazed over the vast crowd of partiers and felt the heavy thrum of the bass in his pulse, was a bit of eager excitement at the atmosphere. He shook his head and forced himself to remember that he had something important to do.

 

Alec looked around towards the bar and sure enough there was Jason sitting there with his girlfriend Nichole wrapped all around him. He really wasn't one to interrupt people, especially since it was his fault for being late anyways, but he really needed to talk to Jason. So interrupt he did and suffered the poorly-hidden look of contempt that Nichole shot at him from over her boyfriend's shoulders.

 

"You alright, man?" Jason asked as he eyed Alec's disheveled appearance and dully noted his lateness, which was, indeed, unusual and out of character for the hunter.

 

He nodded nonetheless. "Yeah, just got held up with some family business. How're you guys doing?" Alec smiled with faux concern as he grabbed Jason's hand and pulled the other man into a friendly hug.

 

"We've been great. We should really hang more, for real, bro," Jason laughed as he traded his bag for the money Alec was presenting him with.

 

"Definitely dude, just hit me up," Alec grinned as he shoved the bag deep down into the depths of his jeans pockets.

 

Now that he finally had what he came here for in the first place, he could finally relax and focus on more than just getting what he needed from Jason. That feeling from when he first walked in returned, now intensified by two. Was this what Magnus and Isabelle felt here? Was this the appeal of coming? The freeing pulse of the music in his veins and the undeniable urge to dance to it threatening to boil over? If so, he now understands why they would both go to such extensive lengths to prepare for a night at the club.

 

Jason could read him like a book at this point, and a slow grin spread his lips apart as he took in the eager look on Alec's face.

 

He leaned in close to the hunter, his breath hitting the shell of his ear ahen he spoke. "There's a reason blow is every party's drug of choice," he muttered quietly.

 

Alec only nodded as his focus narrowed in on the way the lights flashed across the crowd. It was all just so mesmerizing. For the first time in his life, it was something he wanted to be apart of. That empty feeling inside was completely gone, and replaced was a sense of excitement and euphoria. He felt on top of the world. He felt more confident than he ever had in his entire life. There was so much energy he had inside that he needed so badly so release. This seemed like the perfect way to do so.

 

His eyes landed on a goregous man standing alone at the bar, who absolutley did _not_ remind him of Magnus whatsoever, and he was a goner. Within a matter of minutes Alec was approaching the guy and dragging him out onto the dance floor with him.

 

They danced slow and sensually to the music around them and Alec felt like he was on cloud 9. If he closed his eyes and focused hard enough, he could pretend well enough that this was Pandemonium and the man currently grinding into his ass from behind was just Magnus. It caused him to smile so wide it nearly hurt.

 

It took a lot less time than Alec had predicted that it would for them to start making out on the dance floor, and even less time than that for them to end up stumbling into some random Queens motel room and falling into bed together. But it happened all the same.

 

~~~

 

Magnus sat there, in his chair, unblinking as Isabelle explained everything that had been going on lately from where she was perched on the arm to his couch. He felt more like a pathetic gaping fish than a person right now, but that was unimportant. It was bad enough when they all had to cope with this whenever it was Isabelle...

 

But Alexander...

 

To hear that Alexander's body had been so impacted by that one injection that it'd become instantaneously hooked on the drug was absolutley heartbreaking. It made him think that, no doubt, Alexander had been made extensively vulnerable to addiction due to his shaky mental state and suffocating depression. And not one of them had thought to keep an eye on Alec and make sure he didn't succumb to the possible impulses.

 

What a smart lot they were, huh?

 

Too late for that though. The damage was already done. Alec was hooked on cocaine and there was nothing any of them could do to reverse it. No matter how much they all wanted to do so. Despite the intense need and desire they all felt to save Alec from his own mind. Even when they knew deep down that the only person that could really do that was Alexander himself. It was still a pretty overwhelming urge to fight.

 

No matter how much Isabelle cried, he really couldn't give her any other soultions but to 'convince him to go to rehab'. Unfortunately, thinking in legal terms, Alec was an adult. Which meant that it was illegal for anyone to contain him somewhere unlawfully without his consent unless he was an immediate danger. Drugs did not count. And even the immediate danger part of those special circumstances would only hold him for a few days. No. Alec had to want the help. There was no other way.

 

But judging by the way Isabelle described how hard he shut down whenever she caught sight of the shaking of his hands, that was probably not something he would be doing any time soon.

 

They had to think of some other way.

 

"I know exactly how that feels like, Magnus! How desperate it makes you to keep the feeling! How dependent you become on the high. And to think that Alec, my big brother, of all people, is suffering through that is just destroying me inside!" Isabelle sobbed quietly into her shirt sleeve.

 

"I know, Isabelle, dear. It's destroying me too," he sighed.

 

The shadowhunter wiped her eyes and pulled out a DVD from her inner jacket pockets to show him. He eyed it curiously as she twirled it around her fingers. She popped the case to it open and pulled the disc inside out, causing the light from the room the reflect rainbow lights off of the reflective side.

 

"Maybe finding out the source of his pain might help. I was able to get my hands on the missing footage from that night he was at that bar," Isabelle informed him.

 

Magnus felt a surge of relief and slight excitement rush through his veins. They finally had something! Evidence that would point somewhere specific rather than in a thousand different directions. They may very well even catch the man on tape. That would be even better.

 

The warlock waved his hands and produced a small DVD player in front of the television. He plucked the disc from between Isabelle's fingertips and popped it into the player. He went through all the different selections needed and soon enough was on the footage from the morning of June 28th. He turned his attention back to his ex-boyfriend's sister.

 

"What time was Alec there?" he asked.

 

"Around eleven," she supplied helpfully.

 

Magnus knew that Alec had been taken from the bar, so he switched the footage over to the camera stationed over the bar and fast-forwarded the film up until he reached '11:03pm' and sure enough not too long after they began watching Alec sat down at the bar. But he wasn't alone. There was another man there. He was tall, but not near as tall as Alec and slender in stature. The man had a mop of dark brown hair but the footage was too blurred to tell what the color of his eyes were.

 

The man and Alec talked for awhile, and eventually got into a seemingly unpleasant conversation with another gentleman who seemed quite a bit older than the other two, before they continued their own conversation again. Eventually, the brown haired man answered a phone call and left abruptly. Alec seemed slightly startled, but otherwise fine. The man hadn't slipped anything in his drink on the camera.

 

Alec quickly got very disoriented concerningly fast. He looked more drugged than drunk to anybody paying close enough attention. Another figure came into view. A man, assumebly, from the body shape. But Magnus and Isabelle could not see his face due to the dripping wet raincoat hood covering it and the deliberate way he seemed to be dodging the camera's view. He picked Alec up off the bar floor and exchanged a mere few words with the bartender before booking it towards the door with a drugged-out Alexander in tow.

 

If Magnus hasn't been looking so hard, he would've said there was absolutley nothing he could use to identify this man in the footage. But he was. Which was why he noticed whenever the man's hand slid down from the sleeve of his raincoat when he was adjusting his hold on Alec. A distinctive tattoo of a skeletal clock was revealed to be etched into the skin of his hand. Finally, they had something.

 

"Did you see his hand?" Isabelle asked urgently, pointing at the television screen in eagerness.

 

Magnus hummed. "We should go back to the bar and scope it out for men with this tattoo," he suggested.

 

Isabelle nodded her head in agreement. Together, the pair stepped through the portal to the bar to spend the night finding the man responsible for Alec's trauma.

 

~~~

 

Meanwhile, at the motel room in Queens, Alec lay there in the bed and stared at a spot of smudged paint on the wall in one of the corners. He was breathless, tired, and still feeling just as lonely as before he got here. But that wasn't why he'd come here, was it?

 

No. Some dark, subconscious part of him came here to regain his control. And he just used this guy to get it. Ever since he was... Assaulted that night he went to the bar, he has struggled so greatly with control. He's felt so powerless and like all of his control was abruptly stripped away from him. So tonight, he dominated another to get just a little part of himself back that had been taken. It wasn't about sex. That wasn't the important part. It was the control and the power he gained from it.

 

The man seemed happy enough, he supposed. He was sleeping soundly and was curled up against him in content. No harm done.

 

Did they ever even exchange names?

 

Alec wanted to muster the energy to feel disgusted with himself. This whole entire thing was just plain sleazy and he knew it. But he was too beaten down to care. All of his energy and hope for the world was drained from his body. What did it matter though? Alec wasn't worth much more than this anyways.

 

He probably never would be. So why feel bad for anything? Sleeping around, doing crack, hiding himself away from everyone. This wasn't above him. He deserved everything life kept throwing at him. His life was over with. His life ended the moment he stepped into that bar in Queens. So why should he care enough to stop? Why not just spend the rest of his miserable existence at least filling what he could with little boosts of pleasure and euphoria. Didn't seem like such a bad way to waste away to him.

 

So that's just what he'd do.


	7. Identified

"Lylah! Answer me, dammit!"

 

While Alec was in that motel room in Queens contemplating life, about thirty-five miles away in Staten Island a young woman was spaced out on a couch while her sister fruitlessly continued trying to snap her back to earth. It was of no use.

 

Lylah Raiyai was just barely an adult. She turned nineteen about a month ago, and up until she was fifteen years old had been living with her parents and big sister in Thailand. Life was great for her. She was in high school, and was dreaming about going to college to pursue a degree in Nursing. When she watched her mother tirelessly save lives every single day as a little girl, it inspired her to do the same one day. But the day her parents died changed her whole life and naturally destroyed her dream in the process.

 

Lylah and her sister were the ones that discovered the bodies. Sometimes when she lay awake at night she could still see every detail of that gruesome scene etched into her mind. The girls had just arrived home from school one winter afternoon, and nearly fainted upon walking into the house and seeing their mother and father shot dead on the couch together. An armed robbery gone wrong, everyone had said. But Lylah was smarter than that. She knew her cousin had everything to do with it.

 

And her suspicions were confirmed when he came for her and her sister, Leah, and snuck them both over into America with him. She hated Silas, of course. But she couldn't help but feel a little excited at the thought of living in New York City. Lylah had always heard such fascinating things about this place. But the part of New York City Silas took them to was anything but amazing. He had taken them to the underground.

 

During the days he'd force them to get high enough that they wouldn't remember the things they felt during the nights. During the nights Silas's friends would come. But they would always be gone by morning. It was the same routine every day. The girls weren't completely oblivious to what what happening to them though, unfortunately. So with every day that passed their hatred for their cousin grew and grew into something uncontainable.

 

Eventually, their only chance of escape appeared before them. One morning they woke up to discover that Silas had forgotten to lock the basement door back up after the night. So they took the shot. They crept upstairs and Leah grabbed a knife from one of the drawers in the kitchen. Lylah stood at the bottom of the stairs and waited for her sister to return from Silas' bedroom. And when she did, her PJ's were coated in a thick layer of blood. They escaped the house and never looked back.

 

Leah fought her addiction and beat it like she always did every obstacle in her life. She got a fake socail security card from an underground vender and got a good job as an intern for a local law firm, eventually went to school for law, and was promoted to a paralegal within her firm. She rented a comfortable little flat in Staten Island and tried to make sure that Lylah finished high school. She kept everything under their American names Silas gave them, claiming it would make them blend in better. Unfortunately, at sixteen, Lylah dropped out of school. Her addiction was eating her up too much to get anywhere. Leah was angry, but could not do a thing about it. And when Lylah turned eighteen, she started having her weekends in Queens.

 

It was a Monday night, and Lylah had just returned from her weekend. She stumbled into the apartment and Leah was on her in an instant. They were in the living room, and Leah still could not get her attention.

 

"Lylah, just say something, please," Leah begged.

 

She wanted nothing more than to calm her older sister down, but she just couldn't push the words out of her throat. This was the hardest weekend Lylah had ever taken part in. The recent discovery of her boyfriend's unfaithfulness pushed her over the edge. And now she was just kinda... Stuck. In a silent prison of heartache and feelings of defeat. There was no locks because the doors did not open. She felt like she was trapped there for good.

 

Leah gave her all into pulling Lylah out of it, but just couldn't. She ended up tucking Lylah into bed and praying she'd be alright for the night. But Lylah didn't know if she ever would be.

 

~~~

 

Magnus and Isabelle's adventure to the bar turned up nothing, though they agreed to keep looking for the tattoo there in their own free time. Magnus returned to the loft and sent Isabelle on back to the Institute at the end of the night. Isabelle was surprised to see Alec up so early the next morning when she entered. He was sitting in his office, eyes bloodshot and hand scribbling a little too quickly for her comfort across his paperwork. He looked like he hadn't slept a wink. He didn't notice her walk in until she plopped down on the desk and crossed her legs.

 

Alec looked up at her cautiously. "May I help you?" He asked.

 

She rolled her eyes at his clipped tone. He sounded so guarded and irritable it was ridiclous. Isabelle knew it wasn't her brother, but it unnerved her nonetheless. She reached into her jacket pocket and showed him the DVD once again.

 

"We identified something about the guy that-"

 

"Isabelle! Enough!" Alec snapped.

 

Isabelle flinched against the anger in his words. He seemed to regret his harshness, because he pinched his nose and took a few deep breaths before explaining further in a calmer tone of voice.

 

"I am tired of hearing about this man, okay? I don't want to hear another word about him. All I want to do is just forget about it and you're not helping," Alec groaned.

 

"But don't you want to know-"

 

"No!" Alec interrupted. "I don't Izzy, I really don't. I just want to move on already."

 

Isabelle bit her tongue. She was at a total loss for words. This wasn't her big brother. She knew it deep down in heart, despite how desperately her mind was trying to push away the truth. But he could see it in his eyes the pain the topic was bringing him, so she dropped the matter entirely and left her brother to his own devices for the morning.

 

Alec tried to concentrate on his paperwork, but he just couldn't seem to process the information. He managed to get about haflway through it before he just gave up entirely and decided to finally head to bed.

 

The hunter slept away the day, ignoring every single knock that sounded on his bedroom door, every single call that rung out from his phone on the nightstand. He felt too drained to move until late that night, and whenever he finally gained the energy to get up, he didn't go back to his office to finish his work like he usually would. Instead he headed out of the Institute and into the chilly night.

 

He had meant to go to Amadeus, but for some reason his legs had gained a mind of their own. The place that haunted his nightmares was in front of him yet again, that same stupid bar. Something was telling him he needed to go inside, that there was something in there he needed to see. He silently applied his glamour, not wanting to be seen in this place by anybody that may recognize him, and shoved his way through the entrance.

 

Inside was same as it always was. Packed and too loud for his liking. But he continued on anyways. Alec weaved his way through the crowd, careful not to brush against anyone around him, and surveyed the crowd. It was nothing new. He didn't recognize anybody. He was just wasting his time yet agai-

 

Alec stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted a couple somewhere in the crowd nearest to the bar, something wasn't right about them. One of them was a man that looked slightly older than Alec, with ashy blonde hair and hazy brown eyes swaying dizzily in the other man's arms. The other man was what sent violent chills down Alec's spine. He was grinning, and to anyone not looking beyond the surface, it looked like he was just dancing with another guy and having a good time. But Alec was looking deeper, and under the mask he saw the calculating gaze of a cobra preparing to strike.

 

Recognition hit Alec almost immediately. This was the same man from that photo in the office, all dark hair and enticing green eyes with a devious smile to match. Another memory resurfaced upon seeing the man face to face one again.

 

_"No need to apologize. I'll see you around?" Alec said._

 

_The man_ _grinned. "Come back here next Saturday night and you sure will," he suggested before heading for the doors._

 

Alec felt bile rise to the top of his throat. Slowly but surely, he was starting to connect the dots. A name was trying to claw itself from the depths of his mind, but it was just barely short of reaching the surface. Alec couldn't remember much from that night, just brief hazy little flashes here and there, but he remembered this man and he can't help but feel chills shoot down his spine at the mere sight of him. Despite how hard he fought against them, flashes of the worst moments of that night came to the forefront of his thoughts. One in particular kept making an appearance.

 

A tattoo. During one of the brief moments he was awake and slightly aware, he'd looked up at one of the hands holding his down and saw the unmistakable design of a skeletal clock etched into the skin. It was one of the very few things about the man he could recall. With much trepidation, Alec turned his attention back to the dancing couple and focused his attention to the hands of the brunette.

 

There, on the front of his right hand, was that exact same tattoo. Down to the little hand on the number 7. Alec expected his world to collapse in on itself, but that wasn't what happened at all. White hot rage filled his chest and spread all throughout the rest of his body. The only thing he could think was one sentence, on repeat, over and over again.

 

_I'm going to kill him._

 

He got his chance when the couple turned to leave, the blonde of course drugged out of his fucking mind. The brunette didn't care of course, helping him walk towards the entrance and out the front doors of the bar. Alec followed silently, his glamour still fully intact. A cab was already waiting, and Alec activated his speed rune and followed the car down the streets on foot.

 

They arrived at a hotel in Manhattan about an hour later, the brunette practically dragging the blonde out of the cab. They would not be making it inside. Alec deactivated his glamour and moved to strike. He pulled his seraph blade out and sped at the brunette full-force. The blonde naturally fell onto the sidewalk without the support of the other man, but that was Alec's least concern. The two men went skyrocketing into the hotel's brick, the sound of the brunette's bone's cracking sounding throughout the night as the shadowhunter held his blade up to his throat.

 

It took the man a few moments longer than Alec deemed necessary to regain his breath, but when he did his eyes widened comically at the sight of Alec standing in front of him with a blade pressed to his throat.

 

"Remember me?" Alec growled, eyes lit with a murderous fire he'd never felt before.

 

Instead of being scared for his life, like Alec had predicted and like the brunette very well should be, he simply grinned. Amusement lit up his eyes as he stared up at Alec.

 

"How could I forget? An ass like yours is bound to leave an impression," he teased.

 

Alec, instead of replying with words, kneed him hard between the legs, and took immense satisfaction in the loud cry that rung through his ears.

 

"You're going to pay, for everything you've done," Alec hissed.

 

The brunette only snickered. "Everything I've done? You wanted everything I gave you. You just needed a little encouragement."

 

Alec growled again and drew his blade back, getting ready to drive the blade deep into the asshole's throat, when a hand on his bicep stopped him in place. He turned around to stand face to face with his parabatai, staring at the two of them with an odd mixture of sadness and fury on his face.

 

"Alec, don't do this. This isn't you. Let's just turn him in, okay buddy?" Jace suggested softly, as if trying to soothe an angry, feral animal.

 

He knew that Jace was speaking of the authority of the Clave, but the brunette naturally assumed that they were talking about the mundie police, because what he said next immediately stopped Alec's consideration of the suggestion immediately in its tracks.

 

"What's turning me into the cops gonna do, huh? I'll be sure to let them know what you've been up to in your spare time. And who's gonna believe the word of a good-for-nothing junkie?" he smirked, now leaning against the wall and watching the scene play out in front of him, instead of making a run for it like any reasonable person with an ounce of common sense would.

 

Jace whirled on him, grabbing the man by his throat and slamming him back up against the wall. "It was _you_? You drugged my brother?" He snapped, tightening his hold and effectively cutting off his air supply.

 

He only released his hold to hear the man's reply. The brunette coughed and sputtered and glared at Jace as he rubbed at his neck. "No, it was my father. He owns the damn bar. He knew that drugging Alec would automatically shoot down any sliver of credibility he had. And it worked, didn't it?" He grinned.

 

This guy was talking and revealing an awful lot for someone doing so many illegal things. But he seemed eager to finally tell someone about it all, looking almost proud of everything he'd done so far and wanting to have someone to show it off to.

 

But Alec knew he was right. There was absolutley nothing they could do. He would never get justice for what was done to him. If he turned him into the Clave, he would tell them he was doing drugs, and they would subject him to questioning under the soul sword. His life, his career, would be all over. He could even get deruned for this.

 

"Jace... Let him go," Alec sighed.

 

His parabatai whirled on him, shock filling his face at the order. " _What_? Alec, we can't just release him! We have to take him back-"

 

" _No, Jace!_ The Clave can never know about any of this, do you understand me? Let him go, and go home," Alec ordered.

 

Jace looked at him like there was so much more he wanted to say to him, but he only sighed and released the brunette from his grip. The man gave them both a taunting little wave before walking back to the sidewalk and hailing a cab, disappearing into the night.

 

Alec didn't stand there and wait for the lecture he knew Jace was about to give, he took off in the direction of Queens, knowing there was only one thing that could take away the pain and the memories this encounter bestowed upon him.

 

~~~

 

Grayson had just arrived home for the night, and was preparing himself for bed, when he heard the loud shatter of glass come from the living room of his apartment.

 

He grabbed the bat from underneath his bed and ran out into the living room, doing a double-take at the broken window next to the fire escape. He didn't have but a second to react before there were a pair of hands around his throat, slamming his head forward into the wall to the right. He dropped the bat, to weak and dizzy to hold on, and cried out as his body was tossed onto the carpeted floor of his living room.

 

Grayson's eyes took a good minute to refocus, and when they did, his breath caught in his throat at the sight of the blonde from earlier, _Jace_ , Alec had called him, standing above him, holding a dagger in his hand.

 

He attempted to speak, but was cut off as a heavy boot smashed into his windpipe. Tears filled his eyes and he struggled to shove Jace off of him, but it was of no use. The guy was an unmovable boulder of vengeful fury. Deep down, Grayson knew there was no way he was getting out of this. He was going to die tonight.

 

"I may not have turned you in, but that never meant I was letting you go free," Jace snarled, climbing ontop of him and pinning his arms down with his knees.

 

All Grayson could do was choke on his own blood as Jace took the dagger and slit his throat, fading away into the darkness of the night as he felt his life slowly slip away from him.

 


	8. Pivot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So fw this is kind of a messed up chapter... Half of it is literally just disposing of a body. I think I may have problems.

"Hey... Iz... I need your help," Jace breathed into the phone.

 

His adoptive sister mumbled sleepily on the other side of the line, something unintelligible. After a moment she seemed to wake up and come to her senses enough to give him a reply he could make sense of. "Jace? W-what? It's like 3am. What do you need?" She asked.

 

"Look, I can't really explain over the phone. I'm gonna text you an address. This is an emergency, Izzy. Please come," he replied before ending the call and shooting her a quick message with the address of the apartment he was at.

 

While Jace waited for her to show up, he decided to go ahead and get started. He went into the kitchen and got some saran wrap out of one of the cabinets. He spread quite a bit of it out a few yards away from Grayson's body before picking him up and depositing him ontop of it. By the time he'd managed to wrap him up in it nice and tight Isabelle finally portaled into the living room.

 

Her jaw dropped at the scene in front of her, she was frozen in place as she stared at her brother, leaning over the dead body of a mundane wrapped up in plastic.

 

"Jace!" She hissed. " _What did you do_?"

 

"This is the bastard that raped Alec," he replied.

 

Jace pointed to his right hand, and thought it was wrapped in the saran wrap, the tattoo of the skeletal clock was still visible enough to identify. Isabelle gasped when her eyes landed on it, but then they instantly hardened, fists clenching tightly at her sides.

 

Isabelle walked over and plopped down on her knees beside Jace on the floor. "What do you need me to do?"

 

~~~

 

It was just a week later that Alec was back at Amadeus looking for Jason. He was starting to frequent this club quite a bit, as awful as that probably sounded. The only reason he really came here was to see Jason. But for some reason tonight the guy was nowhere to be seen. Usually he could be found at the bar, but the only one there was his girlfriend, Nichole. Which was an unusual sight to see. He was very possesive of her, so to leave her alone meant something important must be keeping him.

 

Nichole was sitting on one of the stools sipping a martini, looking as fed up and bored with her surroundings as ever. The very last thing Alec wanted to do was interact with her, at all, in any setting, but he really needed this re-up. So with a tight, forced smile the hunter begrudgingly dragged himself over to where she was sitting. Unsurprisingly, she looked him up and down with nothing but contempt in her eyes, as if he was some measly peasant daring to approach the queen of the castle. Alec bit the inside of his cheek, holding back the snide remark that wanted to escape past his lips. Insulting Jason's girlfriend probably wasn't the best idea. Not if he wanted to keep doing business with him... Or keep all of the teeth in his mouth.

 

"Hey, do you know where Jason's at?" Alec asked.

 

Nichole scoffed. "Of course I do."

 

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Where is he?"

 

The mundie girl began to inspect her flawlessly manicured nails, lips pursed out in thought. "Hm. Let me think..."

 

Alec couldn't help but roll his eyes. This girl was impossible. He crossed his arms and locked his stance in, attempting to silently convey to her that he wasn't going to be going anywhere anytime soon unless she told him what he needed to know. She obviously noticed, and ended up ultimately deciding that revealing that little piece of information was far easier than dealing with him for another minute more.

 

"Out back. Handling private business. Hence why I'm here. I'd suggest you wait," she sneered.

 

Alec nodded. He ordered a glass of vodka tonic and went to the other side of the bar to wait for Jason, as far away from Nichole as he could possibly get. Alec tried to be patient, he really did. He downed his drink, ordered another, and even went out to the dancefloor and tried to mingle a bit. But after twenty minutes had passed he began to grow antsy. He knew he probably shouldn't bother the guy, but maybe peaking out the back door and seeing what was holding him wouldn't hurt, right? He'd just take a quick look, not even a second, and be back inside before anybody even noticed.

 

He weaved his way through the crowd and to the back exit of the club. He glanced behind his shoulder, making sure Nichole wasn't paying attention (and of course she wasn't) before gently pushing the door open a crack and peaking out through the opening. He couldn't really hear anything, due to the blaring bass from the speakers inside, but he clearly tell that Jason was yelling at whoever he was with. He looked beyond angry, one of his hands had the shirt of his companion clenched in his fist and the other hand was waving around for added emphasis to his words.

 

Alec pushed the door open just a little bit more to get a glimpse of the person he was with. It was a woman. She looked fairly young, and of some asian descent, with long black hair that was matted up against the wall behind her. She had blood and tears running down her face, quietly trembling and watching as Jason went on his little rant. Alec knew he shouldn't be interfering; this wasn't his business nor should it be his concern. But the fear in her eyes shook him, froze him in place where he stood. At the end of the day, he was still a shadowhunter. Protecting the weaker was in his nature. It couldn't be helped.

 

When Jason's words grew more venomous, and he pulled his arm back and threw his fist at the girl, knocking her back against the wall, Alec moved on instinct. He flew out the door and shoved Jason back out of the way, blocking the girl's body with his own. Now that he was outside, he could finally hear a lot better. Which meant he could hear Jason's low growl as clear as day when he locked eyes on Alec.

 

"Touch me again and you're dead, Alec. Go back inside. This is not your business," Jason snapped.

 

Alec shook his head. He knew he was probably going to lose Jason's business, and maybe even get himself put on a hit list for this, but when he looked down at the relief and hope in the girl's eyes below him, he couldn't bring himself to walk away. Demons or no demons, protecting mundanes was what he did. And she needed help.

 

"I can't do that, Jason. Please just leave her alone and go back to the bar," he urged.

 

Jason grit his teeth and reached down to his hip, undoubtedly to pull out a glock, but Alec was faster. He slammed him back against the wall and deflected all of the punches the mundie threw as he attempted to wail on him. When Jason finally realized that he wasn't going to get a hit in nor was Alec going to swing back, he screamed out his fury and pushed Alec back away from him.

 

He pointed a finger at the girl on the ground, who was just watching Alec with awe in her eyes. But when she noticed Jason directing his attention to her, she curled in on herself and met his gaze. "You tell Cole that if he or his people _ever_ set foot on my territory again, the next one won't be so lucky," he barked.

 

The girl shyed away, but nodded nonetheless. Satisfied, Jason turned his attention back to Alec, his eyes hardening even further. "And if I ever see _you_ at this club again, I'll shoot you down where you stand. Final warning," he said before finally wiping the sweat off his brow and shoving the door to the club open, disappearing inside.

 

Alec sighed. Now that Jason was gone, his defensive stance relaxed and the tension in his shoulders melted away. He turned his attentions back to the girl leaning against the wall. He knelt down in front of her, narrowing his eyes in concern as he watched the blood trickle down through her eyebrow from an open cut on her forehead.

 

"Are you okay?" He asked.

 

She nodded. "I think so. Thank you for that, I don't know what he would've done if you hadn't stepped in when you did," she smiled weakly.

 

Alec took the sleeve of his jacket and wiped the trickle of blood away before it could land in her eye. "It's no problem. What was all that about?"

 

A look of apprehension crossed her face at the question, but after surveying his expression, she seemed to relax at what she saw there. "Jason and my boyfriend have a massive rivalry going on. I came here to meet with a friend but I forgot about it being Jason's territory. I was lucky he didn't kill me, honestly," she sighed.

 

"Oh. You should be more careful from now on," he replied.

 

She nodded. "How do you fit in this? What's your name? Are you one of Jason's customers?"

 

Alec laughed. "It's Alec. And I _was_. After this, I think I'll need to be finding myself another plug."

 

The girl went quiet for a few moments, seemingly in thought. She smiled a little and stumbled up to her feet, steadying herself against the concrete behind her. Alec reached out on instinct and grabbed her by the arm, making sure she didn't go crashing back into the ground. She gave him grateful look and gestured towards the street.

 

"Come on. I think you should come meet my boyfriend," she said before turning around and walking away from the club, expecting him to follow.

 

He did. He wiped the bloody sleeve of his jacket against the wall and followed her out to the sidewalk. About halfway there, she glanced over her shoulder.

 

"Oh, my name's Lylah, by the way," she added as an afterthought.

 

Alec made a small sound of acknowledgment. He followed her quietly through the streets as she led him to what would unknowingly be the next chapter of his life.

 

~~~

 

"Why is this guy so heavy? He feels like he's carrying his weight in dumbbells!" Isabelle cried as she dropped his feet onto the ground with a grunt.

 

After Isabelle arrived at the apartment, she helped him scrub it clean with bleach, and boy was that a job in itself. Between the two of them, it took well over a couple of hours, making sure nothing at all was left behind from the scene. The entire time she was muttering about how much Jace was going to owe her for this, and that he was lucky she loved him so much. And honestly, he knew both were fairly true.

 

They were only an hour and a half away from daylight when they finished with the apartment, so they moved quickly and taped the syran wrap up tightly around Grayson's head, shoulders, torso, waist, legs, and feet with heavy duty duct tape. They created a portal and carried him to a graveyard in some tiny rural town in Kansas. Which was where they were now, standing in front of the grave of some elderly lady who had apparently passed away just last week with two shovels and a body at their feet.

 

Isabelle groaned. "Are we seriously about to dig up the grave of someone's poor old grandma?" She asked.

 

"It's for Alec," Jace sighed, trying to motivate them to just get this done so they can both go home and finally rest.

 

After activating their speed and strength runes, they picked up their shovels and began to dig. They got down to the woman's grave and lifted her out of the ground, gently setting her to the side as they dug a few feet further below where she'd been. Once satisfied with the depth of the hole, they lifted up Grayson's body and tossed him inside, the lifting much easier now with their runes activated. They dumped the few feet of dirt they'd dug up under the coffin over him and then set the woman back inside. Finally, just as dawn began to break, the dirt was all packed up again on top of the grave and they were both collapsed back against a tree in exaustion.

 

Isabelle sighed. "We're terrible people."

 

Jace frowned and reached over to rub her shoulder in a half-hearted attempt to comfort her. "It's over now. Let's go home."

 

He climbed to his feet and helped Izzy to hers. She created the portal and they both stumbled into their respective rooms at the Institute, asleep almost as soon as their faces hit the mattresses.


	9. Failure

When Isabelle woke up later on, the sun was far too high up in the sky for it to be morning. She groaned, holding a hand up against the bright rays of light peaking through her curtains and shining directly into her eyes. She knew she had to have been asleep for quite some time, but she still felt pretty drained. The source of her abrupt awakening revealed itself in the insistent, panicked knocking on her bedroom door.

 

She threw herself out of her bed as quick as she could, getting tangled up in the sheets and nearly face-planting on the floor in the process. She hopped her way over to the door as she pulled her sweatshorts up her legs and over her hips. When Isabelle opened the door, she was nearly knocked to the floor as Jace barreled his way inside her room, slamming the door behind him as he went. She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

 

"Jace? What's-"

 

"Jia's here, Isabelle! She just showed up out of nowhere about ten minutes ago and is demanding to see us and Alec!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands around in frantic gestures as he spoke.

 

Isabelle's breath caught in her throat. That couldn't mean anything good. The consul never showed up without notice unless there was an alarming reason. A reason like, say, shadowhunters murdering mundanes and burying their bodies underneath poor little old ladies. They were in deep water now. Somehow, Jia had caught wind of what they'd done last night and was coming to arrest them all. They were so screwed...

 

"You don't think it could be about-"

 

"What else could it be about, Isabelle?" Jace hissed, pacing back and forth across the room so fast it nearly made her head spin.

 

Isabelle clenched her eyes shut and groaned through gritted teeth. With a sense of resignation, she pulled a pair of jeans over her shorts and quickly made herself look as presentable as possible in the mirror of her bathroom. After yanking on her boots, she followed Jace over to the elevators and down to the Ops Center. They moved slowly, dread filling them both to the very core. Jia was waiting in Alec's office, standing with her hands clasped behind her back off to the side of the room. She eyed them both silently as they entered the room, Jace shutting the door behind them.

 

Alec was sitting at his desk, sitting up so straight he could rival a pen. When his eyes landed on the two of them, he pressed his lips tightly together. To anyone not paying much attention, he looked calm and collected, like any proffesional should in the face of a higher-up. But Jace and Isabelle could see below the surface of his facade just by looking in his eyes. Alec looked to be just on the verge of a panic attack, eyes flitting unconsciously back and forth between Jia and the door, as if plotting some sort of way to make a run for it. He was fumbling with his fingers on top of the desk, trying and failing to keep them still. Isabelle frowned at her brother's behavior. Why was he so panicked? He wasn't the one that had killed a mundane and tampered with the body...

 

"Mr. Herondale and Ms. Lightwood," Jia greeted, shooting them a tight-lipped smile. "Please take a seat."

 

Neither of them spoke a word as they each took a seat in the chairs in front of Alec's desk, sweaty fingers gripping on the arms vice-tight. Jia cleared her throat before speaking any further.

 

"I know all of you are probably wondering why I've shown up here on such short notice. I have received quite a few concerning fire messages from soliders at this Institute about the state of their current leader," she explained, turning her attention towards Alec.

 

Isabelle's eyes flew wide open, flitting to her brother in the chair across from her. So this wasn't about what she and Jace had done last night afterall? It was about Alec's performance and behavior? As Isabelle observed the fear in Alec's eyes, she almost wished that she and Jace had been right in their earlier assumption.

 

He stuttered a little before he finally replied. "H-How do you mean, Consul Penhallow?"

 

Jia strut across the room, but her gaze never wavered from Alec's form. It was apparent that she was studying him to everyone else in the room. That only served to panic Alec further, as his fingers began to tremble from where they were clasped together atop some of his paperwork. Judging from the slight narrowing of Jia's eyes, she noticed.

 

"I've received reports stating that you have been excessively irritable, nearly impossibly to talk to more often than not. Your judgement has come into question, as one of your men reported that just last week you sent a few of the younger shadowhunters on a mission that was far beyond their expertise. Tell me, Mr. Lightwood, in your proffesional opinion, what would you do if you were in my position? If you had a head of an institute that was not only disrupting communication between his fellow shadowhunters, but was unnecessarily risking the lives of his own soliders!" She spat out through clenched teeth, her voice rising higher and higher throughout her speech.

 

The way Alec was sitting there in his chair resembled an injured puppy ready to go scurry off into a corner to lick its wounds. He was stunned into silence, eyes flitting back and forth between Jia and his siblings as if they held any more answers than he did on what to say or do in this situation. He stuttered his way through a few half-finished explanations, but not one that made much sense. They only served to further aggravate the consul. She blew out a heavy breath through her nose and turned to face Jace and Isabelle instead.

 

"I've made my decision. I'll be putting Mr. Lightwood on temporary leave," Jia declared, resulting in resounding gasps to echo throughout the office. "Mr. Herondale. You're Mr. Lightwood's parabatai. I want you to keep a close eye on him over the next few months; keep his head on straight. Do you think you can handle that?"

 

Jace nodded, too stunned to reply with words. Jia seemed satisfied enough with that answer, as she turned her attention to Isabelle next.

 

"Ms. Lightwood. I have decided to temporarily appoint you as active Head of the New York Institute in your brother's leave of absence."

 

Isabelle's jaw dropped. "I-I, Ms. Penhallow, I have no experience running-"

 

Jia cut her off abruptly. "I have full confidence in your abilities, Miss Isabelle. You're of a family of natural-born leaders. I trust that you won't disappoint me," she smiled, a little bit of warmth finally seeping into her face after the constant stream of coldness she'd radiated out for the past several minutes.

 

Realizing that there was no declining this offer, Isabelle simply nodded and shut her mouth. Jia inclined her head at the two of them and turned back to Alec, eyes hardening once again.

 

"You have three months to fix this little... Problem, of yours, Alexander. I'd say that's fairly generous on my part, do you not agree?" She asked, raising one perfectly arched eyebrow.

 

Alec visibly gulped. "Yes, ma'am. I appreciate your generosity," he replied.

 

"Good. Have a good day," Jia said before exiting the room and leaving the three of them alone to discuss.

 

Though it was quickly apparent that there wasn't going to be much discussion to be had, as Alec quickly shoved his belongings into his bag and made a beeline for the door.

 

"Alec-" Isabelle started.

 

"Don't. Please leave me alone, Izzy."

 

Alec swung the door back open and disappeared into the Ops Center, leaving Jace and Isabelle alone in the office to deal with the aftermath of what had just occured. Alone.

 

~~~

 

It wasn't too many hours after his confrontation with the consul that Alec was back on streets. It was all too much at the Institute. He needed to get away for awhile. Which was why he found himself sitting at the bar at Pandemonium drowning his sorrows in whiskey. His first instinct was to go to Amadeus, but quickly ended that train of thought when the image of Jason with a handgun pressed to his forehead came to mind. Alec was feeling depressed, but not enough for a death wish.

 

His second thought was to maybe go see Cole and hang out with him and his friends for awhile. But when Alec texted Lylah, she'd told him that she was at home with her sister, and wouldn't be back in Queens for a couple more days. It felt too weird for him to just show up and hang out with Cole without Lylah there. She was his only connection to him. They weren't exactly friends, per say. But Alec felt a lot more comfortable around her than he did Cole. She felt like far less of a threat to him than her boyfriend did. So that idea was out.

 

So here he was, wallowing away in his misery at a club owned by his ex-boyfriend. By the angel, Alec hoped that Magnus wasn't here today. If he ran into him and saw him like this-

 

" _Alexander_?"

 

Fuck.

 

Alec reluctantly spun around in his stool to see the last person he wanted to see standing not five feet away from him, staring at the hunter in unadulterated shock. Alec inwardly groaned and ran a hand through his hair, mussing it even further. He downed the remainder of the fowl-tasting alcohol in his glass and shoved it off to the side. 

 

"Hi."

 

"H-how are you doing?" Magnus asked, to Alec's total shock, looking _unsure of himself_.

 

"Um... Fine, I guess," he muttered, hoping it didn't sound like as much of a lie as he thought it did.

 

Magnus raised a skeptical eyebrow, but didn't comment further on the matter. Alec stared at Magnus silently, hypnotized by the way the lights of the club caught on the glitter scattered through his hair. His heart stuttered a bit in his chest. Seeing Magnus, in such a normal setting after so long, looking as beautiful as he did, it hurt him. As much as Alec wished he could just forget about the warlock and move on, he just couldn't. The love he held for him was too real and too strong to just let go like that. He wanted him so badly it was almost torturous. But Magnus had been the one to break things off. He didn't want Alec anymore.

 

And honestly? Who could blame him? Alec wasn't anything special. Nothing like Magnus, with all his eccentric clothing and glittery hair and flawless makeup and outgoing personality and just his wonderous _everything_. Magnus was quite simply, beautiful. And unfathomably wise. He was everything that Alec wasn't and never could be. Alec was just... Plain old boring Alec. With his dark, simple clothes and his messy hair and his introverted personality and his unshakable knack for disappointing everyone around him.

 

Not to mention, how much of a mess he was now. If there was even a sliver of a chance that Magnus would've wanted him back before, he certainly didn't want him back now. Alec was just damaged goods at this point. He couldn't go a single day without having a panic attack anymore, he couldn't sleep through the night without waking up screaming from night terrors of forceful hands and unbearable pains, and he couldnt even keep his shit together enough to hold down _his fucking job_. Alec didn't deserve someone like Magnus.

 

Maybe he didn't deserve anyone at all.

 

Despite all that though, it didn't stop him from having that selfish, nagging desire in the back of his mind. To reach out to Magnus and lean on him for help. When they were together, Magnus had shown him a kind of support he'd never experienced before. It was... So _so_ nice. To have someone he could spill all his troubles to and feel _heard_. Alec wanted that back. The hunter didn't have time to stop himself from blurting out as such.

 

"Can we talk?"

 

Before he could get his shit together and take it back, Magnus had already nodded his head and gestured for Alec to follow him as he walked back towards his office. When they were safely behind closed doors, Magnus conjured them each up a cup of piping hot herbal tea as they took a seat on the plushy fuchsia loveseat in the back corner of the room.

 

Alec spilled pretty much everything to Magnus over the next hour in that office. Discovering that it was Grayson who had assaulted him that night, his encounter with the man and how he'd been forced to let him go, his panic attacks and his night terrors, and his forced leave of absence by the consul. The only thing he left out was the cocaine usage. That wasn't something Alec felt ready to talk about just yet. But the rest of it he split freely, borderline-desperate to get it all off his chest. Magnus listened quietly throughout his entire tirad, offering soft little words of support and reassurance as needed throughout. When he was finished, he took a deep breath and a long sip of the cooled tea, his eyes trained on the warlock's face worriedly.

 

"Oh, Alexander," Magnus breathed.

 

He seemed at a bit of a loss for words, staring quietly at the shadowhunter with sad eyes and downturned lips.

 

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to just unload all of my problems onto you like this. It's just been so hard to keep everything in lately," Alec muttered into his cup.

 

Magnus smiled gently. "It's quite alright, Alec. I understand exactly what you mean. I can't tell you the magical answer that'll solve all of your issues, but I can listen and offer support where I can sometimes."

 

That made sense. Magnus always made sense. Alec's gaze naturally drifted from Magnus' big brown eyes down to his beautiful plump lips. There was a hint of moisture on the corner of his upper lip from the tea, and the overwhelming desire to kiss it away jolted through him. Alec blinked and cleared his throat, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from the warlock's face. He really needed to get a grip. They weren't together, he had no right to kiss Magnus or even think about doing so. They were only friends at best and civil exes at worst. That was as far as it went and as far as it would go.

 

"Alexander?"

 

Alec snapped out of his inner ramblings to the sound of Magnus' gentle voice calling out to him. He sighed and turned to face him again. He couldn't go two minutes without thinking about his love and undeniable attraction for the man in front of him. Coming here was a huge mistake. He had to get out of here... Before he did something he'd most definitely regret.

 

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have come here. I need to go," he choked out as he fought back the tears filling his eyes.

 

Alec slammed the tea cup down on the glass coffee table and shot back up to his feet. He was nearly halfway to the door when he felt a hand on his elbow halting him in place and spinning him back around. Magnus stood in front of him, so close he could smell the scent of his sandalwood shampoo. Alec's heart fluttered. Magnus needed to let him go... Before his raging emotions made him do something stupid.

 

"Listen... I know you're struggling. And I know that I might be the last person you want to see right now given our... _history._ I just want you to know that this was far from a mistake. If you ever feel like you're about to fall over the edge, and you have nowhere to turn, you can always come to me. I'll always be here for you, regardless of where our relationship stands. Remember that," Magnus urged, eyes silently pleading with him to grasp each and every word he was saying and understand.

 

Alec couldn't speak, out of fear of finally breaking down and crying in front of the other man. So with a solemn nod and a grunt of acknowledgment he sped out the door and back out into the streets of the city. He didn't know where he was going, only that he needed to put as much distance between himself and Magnus and the Institute and _everything_ as he could. The only thing that mattered was that wherever he ended up, it would be away from all of his failures. And that was enough. For now.


	10. Concern

"Are you about ready? We'll miss happy hour if we don't leave soon!"

 

Clary sighed, exasperated. "Simon, you can't even drink!"

 

The vampire went quiet on the other side of her bedroom door. She laughed quietly to herself as she finished applying the finishing touches to her makeup for the evening. She smoothed down the wrinkles in her shamrock green mini dress and double-checked that her hair wasn't mussed in the bathroom mirror before finally walking out and greeting Simon outside her room.

 

He smiled. "You look rockin', Fray," he complimented as he gave her outift a quick once-over.

 

Clary linked her arm with Simon's and inclined her head. "Why thank you, you don't look too bad yourself," she replied.

 

The pair grinned as they made their way to the elevators and down through the Ops Center. They could barely contain their mutual excitement. It had felt like ages since they'd had the opportunity to have a free night to spend together, just the two of them. Now that everything with Valentine had settled down and Isabelle had taken over as head, they could finally get a day off. As terrible as Clary felt for thinking it... things had been running much smoother this past week since Isabelle started running the show.

 

It wasn't really Alec's fault, she understood that. His mental state was just shaky right now and he needed some time to stabilize himself enough to handle the responsibilities that came with being in charge. He'd be alright, she amended.

 

The shadowhunter and vampire duo were descending the steps to the front of the building when they noticed Jace and Isabelle walking towards them out of the corner of their eyes. They were just stepping off the sidewalk and in their direction when they met their stare, halting in place and waiting for the other two to approach. Clary unwound her arm from Simon's and launched herself at her boyfriend, whom caught her with an unpracticed ease that only came with the fluidity of the angels. Jace hugged her tight to his chest as she breathed in the scent of his hair, eyes closed in bliss.

 

It had been a good couple of days since she'd had the chance to see him. They'd both been run rampant through the streets and around the Institute on separate assignments. At the end of each night, they were way too tired to do much else but collapse into their beds and fall asleep. It was nice to see him again after so long. Clary pulled her head back from Jace's shoulder and held his face between her hands, bringing his lips up to meet hers in a slow, languid kiss that took both of their breaths away.

 

"Hey," she breathed, grinning wide from ear to ear.

 

Jace smiled back. "Hey."

 

The blonde gently set her back down on the heels of her stilletos, making sure she had her balance before letting go of her completely. They both turned their attention back to their counterparts, and internally rolled their eyes at the sight that greeted them.

 

Simon and Isabelle were stood only a foot or two apart, smiling awkwardly at one another. The tension in the air was so thick it could probably be cut with a knife.

 

"Clary and I were planning on catching a movie after Pandemonium. I-I don't know. You might not even be interested but would you maybe want to, um, join us?" Simon stuttered, fumbling with his hands as he asked.

 

Isabelle seemed to contemplate the offer, as her head tilted slightly and her eyes narrowed in thought. "What movie?"

 

The vampire's smile spread into a grin when Isabelle didn't immediately shoot down the proposal. Clary watched on with a slight smirk on her face, silently observing the eagerness in his eyes.

 

He went on enthusiastically. "It's Spider-Man: Far From Home. It's the last Spiderman movie Marvel is putting out before Sony takes back the rights. It follows right after Avengers: Endgame! Clary and I went and saw that a few months ago. Have you seen it yet?" He asked, eyes lit up as he stared at the shadowhunter in front of him. If he was trying to be discreet about his attraction for her, he was failing pretty miserably.

 

Isabelle laughed softly and raised both eyebrows at him. "What's a Spiderman? Is it a man with like, eight legs or something?" She asked as she crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her hip to the side.

 

Simon's jaw could've hit the ground with how fast it dropped. "You mean to tell me you've never watched any of the MCU films?! Oh my god!" He exclaimed, before turning back to face Clary again. "Fray, would you be offended if I rescheduled our movie date for next week?"

 

Clary shook her head, trying to stifle her laugh behind the palm of her hand and failing miserably. She looked up at Jace and laughed even harder at the expression on his face. He looked like he was about ready to choke Simon out on the pavement if he didn't shut up soon.

 

"Isabelle, I'm renting all of the MCU movies tonight and we're going to spend the next week binge-watching them until you're ready to watch Spiderman: Far From Home!" He announced, before a bit of self-doubt crossed over his face, and he back-tracked a little. "I mean, only if you want to," he muttered, scratching the back of his head and looking up at Isabelle with a crushing amount of hope in his eyes.

 

Her small smile spread into a delighted grin. "Sure. But they better be as good as you're making them out to be," she lightly warned.

 

Simon's smile was instantly back at her answer, but then he got a serious look on his face, nodding frantically. "I promise I won't disappoint you."

 

Jace and Clary groaned at the heart-eyes the other two were indiscreetly sending each other. Although Clary thought this whole dynamic they had going on was sickly-sweet, she hoped that she and Jace didn't look like that when they were first discovering their attraction to each other. If they did, she had a lot of apologizing to do. Maybe that was why Alec couldn't stand her so much when she first showed up.

 

Her boyfriend clapped his hands. "Okay, that's enough. We've got some reports to write. Come on, Izzy," he announced, pulling on his sister's arms to snap her attention away from Simon.

 

Clary giggled at the disoriented look on Isabelle's face as she was jerked out of her trance. It was cut short by Jace's lips on hers once again, her eyes fluttering closed to savor the moment.

 

"Have fun. Be safe," Jace smiled warmly at her, before pulling his sister away and up the stairs of the Institute.

 

Clary linked arms with her best friend again and led him down the street and towards the subway. She nudged him in his side, the hint of a teasing smile on her face. "So... Isabelle, huh?"

 

Simon sent her a pointed glare. "Shut up."

 

She laughed in response and for the rest of the way they fell into a comfortable silence. When they arrived at the club, they immediately were on the lookout for Magnus, knowing that there was a good chance that he'd be there and wanting to say hi before disappearing into the crowd. First the pair stopped by the bar, knowing that that was usually where Magnus could be found nowadays more often than not. They sat down and Clary ordered herself a drink before settling in and scanning the area. 

 

The high warlock was nowhere to be seen. That was unusual, Clary noted. She grabbed the attention of the bartender.

 

"Is Magnus Bane here?" She asked.

 

He shook his head. "Not tonight," the man replied simply, before turning around and tending to a blonde faerie woman motioning for his attention at the other end of the bar.

 

Clary shrugged and downed the rest of her drink before dragging her best friend out in the direction of the of the dancefloor. They were nearly haflway there when Simon halted in place, jerking Clary back with him, startling her so much that the redhead nearly tripped over her own feet.

 

"Clary!" He hissed, pointing in a random direction out on the dancefloor. " _Look_."

 

Her eyes followed the line of his finger and flew open wide at what he was pointing out to her. It was a little difficult to make out at first, from all the packed bodies and flashing strobe lights, but not impossible given the towering height of the man in question. Alec was here, out in the middle of the crowd, dancing with some random man that looked to be at least ten years his senior. His hips swayed back against the man to the beat of the bass, head thrown back on the guy's shoulder, and his hands intertwined with both of his partner's and were resting on his own stomach. Clary was still as a statue, silent, just staring at the scene in front of her in total bewilderment.

 

What on earth was going on with him lately? Clary wasn't claiming to know Alec on a very personal level like Jace or Izzy or anything, but she at least knew that he was far from the clubbing type. When he and Magnus were together, and the warlock went out with her and the rest of their group to Pandemonium, Alec almost never attended, opting to stay home and finish up some of his mountains of paperwork instead. This wasn't like him at all. And to be partying a mere week after losing his job instead of working harder to get it back? That was what she'd expected him to do. Not this. This was the furthest thing from her mind. And yet, here they were.

 

Simon seemed to have the same exact train of thought, as his eyes were the size of saucers as he observed Alec from afar. Clary blinked, once, twice, and then shook her head before pulling her friend back out to the crowd.

 

"Shouldn't we go talk to-"

 

"No," she interrupted. "I don't know what's going on, but this is the first night we've had out together in months. Who knows when the next one will be. We can talk to Jace and Izzy about it later."

 

Simon frowned, but didn't say anything else on the matter. They spent the next couple of hours doing exactly what they came here to do. They danced until they were too breathless and exhausted to move anymore. About two hours into their night, Clary continued to keep her mouth shut as she watched Alec walk out the doors of the club, that man's hand clasped tightly in his own. Later, she reminded herself stubbornly. This was a discussion she and Jace would have tomorrow. For now her time was designated to her best friend. And what a time that was.

 

~~~

 

Isabelle was sitting in her brother's... _her_ office (she still didn't think she'd ever get adjusted to saying that), finishing up some paperwork concerning an underground Brooklyn vampire den that one of their teams had eradicated earlier this afternoon, when she heard a faint knock on the heavy mahogany door. She glanced up warily at the ticking clock hanging over the sofa. It was nearly one in the morning, far too late at night for anybody to be disturbing her. Despite that fact, she sighed, and called out for the person on the other side to enter the room. What she really wasn't expecting, however, was for her mother to walk through the door and shut it gently behind her, approaching Isabelle with an apprehensive look on her face.

 

Shoving the paperwork aside, Isabelle leant back in her seat, greeting her mother with a tight, worried smile.

 

"Mom."

 

Maryse smiled back. "Hello, Isabelle. How've you been doing?"

 

Isabelle shrugged. "A little stressed, but fine. Is something wrong?"

 

Maryse hesitated, twirling her engagement ring on her finger a little nervously before she took a seat in one of the chairs in front of her daughter's desk. She shrugged her burgundy coat off her shoulders and slung it neatly over the back of the chair. "I don't know. That's why I'm here."

 

"What do you mean?" Isabelle asked, a frown making its way onto her face.

 

Her mother sighed, the mask finally coming off. Underneath was a very sad, very tired look in her eyes. It almost broke Isabelle's heart too bare witness to. She'd thought her mother was finally happy again. A few months ago she'd took over a book store, and started dating Clary's sorta step-dad, Luke. But this wasn't the sight of a happy woman. Far from it.

 

Maryse bit her lip and met Isabelle's concerned gaze. "It's your brother. He hasn't returned my calls for nearly two weeks now. He hasn't stopped by the shop to see me in well over a month. And now I hear that he's been forced into temporary leave and that you've taken over the Institute. I'm worried," she explained.

 

Oh, angels. Isabelle had been dreading the day Maryse got mixed into all of this. She knew that it was coming, she was their mother, afterall, but she already had experienced so much heartache in recent times. This was just another thing that was going to beat her down. Worst of all, Isabelle hadn't been expecting to be the one put in the position of telling their mother what was happening. She had no idea what to even say to her. She hadn't prepared for this. She wished she could just reassure her that Alec was fine, and ease her troubled spirit for awhile longer. But she couldn't lie to her. Maryse had been lied to enough.

 

So Isabelle took a deep breath, and tried to ignore the nagging thought in the back of her mind that she was betraying her brother as she recounted all of the events of the past few months to her mother. She told her about Alec's rape, at which Maryse's mouth dropped open so wide it would've been comical in any other setting. Then she told her about Alec being drugged with cocaine after going to investigate his assault at the bar in Queens, and stuttered a little when trying to explain how he became addicted to the drug. By the time her spiel was over, Isabelle was shaking, trying to keep her emotions in check as she stared at her mother, waiting for some kind of response to what she'd just been told.

 

What she got, was far from what she could've imagined she'd receive. Maryse's chest trembled a bit, and before Isabelle could anticipate what was about to happen her mother already had her face buried in her hands and her body was being shaken with chest-heaving sobs. Isabelle sprung out of her chair so quick it flew backwards and hit the floor with a loud _bang_ , and she ran over and slid down to her knees at her mother's side. She threw her arms around her and held her close as she cried, trying to calm her down with soft words and soothing touches.

 

But her mother was nothing if not strong. It only took a minute for her to compose herself, wiping away the tears on her cheeks with the heels of her hands, and taking a few deep breaths to steady herself. The mask was back on. She stood up and grabbed her coat off the back of the chair, sliding it on her arms and buttoning it quickly.

 

"Where are you going?" Isabelle asked.

 

Maryse gave her a warm, but brief, hug. "I need to go speak to Alec."

 

She was about halfway to the door when Isabelle finally had time to finish processing what she'd said. She frowned, and grabbed her by the elbow, stopping her from leaving.

 

"He's not here," she sighed.

 

Maryse's eyebrow raised slightly in question.

 

"He said he needed a break and took off a few days ago. I haven't seen him since," she elaborated further, eyes downcast as she remembered how broken and utterly defeated he'd looked when he walked out the doors of the Institute.

 

She was concerned about him, of course. It took everything she had inside of her not to go running after him. But she knew he was alright from Jace. Besides that, he was stubborn and determined to leave. There was no way she was going to change his mind. Losing his job was a huge blow to him, and she knew that he needed a bit of time to reel back from it. Maryse seemed to think differently, though, as she threw the hood of her jacket over her head and set off in the direction of the door again.

 

"I'm going to go find him."

 

And with that she was gone, disappearing into the night to go find her son and bring him home. Isabelle could only hope she would succeed in talking some sense into Alec.

 

Angels knew he needed it.


	11. Hope

Alec let himself be shoved back through the door of the foreign apartment with his latest conquest, kissing him hard and fast and nearly tripping over a tabby cat as he stumbled backwards through the hallway. The cat made a small mewl of protest, and scurried off to hide under the couch in the living room. The same couch that Alec soon found himself being thrown back on as the other man climbed into his lap and began to grind down on him.

 

The shadowhunter sighed breathily and yanked him down by his hair, burying his face in his neck and latching his teeth on his pulse point, feeling more than hearing the rumbling groan that he released at the action. Alec wrapped his forearms under the man's knees and lifted him up, carrying him off down another hallway in the direction of what he could only assume was his bedroom.

 

"Third door on the right," the werewolf huffed out in between his assaults on Alec's collarbone with his teeth and tongue.

 

Alec kicked open the door he was directed to and unceremoniously tossed him onto his bed, crawling on top of him and sliding his hands up under his shirt as he attached his lips to his jaw and made his way back to his lips. The guy placed his hands on Alec's hips, grabbing the ends of his shirt and yanking it right over his head. He tossed it carelessly over his shoulder, and Alec thought he saw it land on the lamp resting on the beside table in his peripheral vision. Not that it much mattered to him.

 

Soon eager hands were roaming his chest, groping him as they moved slowly downwards. Alec moved quicker than lightning when the man's hands reached his pelvis and made no signs of stopping, grabbing hold of his wrists and throwing them backwards onto the sheets, holding him down with the strength in his upper body. The werewolf chuckled breathlessly and Alec's eyes flew open in shock as he soon found himself flipped over and on his back, his own hands being held down by the man's slender fingers encircling his wrists. He leaned down and nibbled on Alec's ear, and the shadowhunter shivered at the feeling of his breath hitting his skin. Fear washed over his body like a tidal wave.

 

Suddenly, Alec wasn't there anymore. The werewolf was gone. The silky green sheets underneath him turned into white cotton, and the walls were now an ugly beige instead of canary yellow. His body felt heavy, his limbs too weak to respond to his brain's commands. There were hands grasping onto his wrists, tight enough to bruise, pressing him into the mattress as his body was consumed with unbearable amounts of pain. He opened his mouth, and tried with all his might to scream, but nothing came out. The silence only reined on.

 

His eyes came into focus, and the only thing he could see in his line of sight was the face of his nightmares. Grayson's eyes were alight with twisted glee, staring down at him as his lips spread out into a wicked grin.

 

"You're mine, Alec," he snarled, spitting in his face and grasping his wrists that much tighter.

 

Alec screamed. And this time, it was audible. The walls were no longer beige, the sheets no longer cotton, and Grayson was gone. Instead he was in a strange bedroom, with a strange man that was sprawled out on the carpeted floor beside the bed with a bewildered expression on his face. It took Alec a minute to come to his senses, but when he did his cheeks burned bright red with humiliation. He groaned and launched himself off of the bed, huddling against the wall as he watched the werewolf climb back up to his feet and stare at Alec with apparent aggravation in his bottle green eyes.

 

" _What the fuck_?"

 

Alec wrapped his arms around himself, a pointless safety measure. "What just happened?" He whispered, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat.

 

The man scoffed, staring at him as if he'd completely lost his mind. "You don't _know_? Y-You just started screaming at me to stop and to get off of you, and before I could you threw me down into the floor!" He exclaimed.

 

Alec winced, and reached over to the bedside table to snatch his shirt off of the lamp. He yanked it over his head quickly and muttered an apology. The man stared at him, unblinking, still in shock at what had just occured. Alec sighed, straightening the wrinkles out of his shirt and fixed his hair a little.

 

"I-I have to go. Have a good night," he added lamely, before walking out the door and leaving the scene behind, wishing he could just eradicate it from his mind immediately.

 

Alec flew down the stairs to the building and emerged back out onto the streets. Where the hell even was he? He knew it wasn't Brooklyn anymore, but he'd been too... _preoccupied_ in the cab ride over to pay much attention to where they were headed. He walked down the sidewalks aimlessly, looking around at the different street signs and buildings and hoping that something would ring a bell soon. 

 

Nothing really did. He walked and walked and walked until he couldn't anymore. Eventually he stumbled upon a park and jumped the gate, strolling down the sidewalks and trying to find a good place to sleep for the night.

 

" _Alec_?"

 

He whipped his head around and his eyes widened when they landed on the girl sitting on a park bench in front of the pond. It was Lylah, Cole's girlfriend. She was sitting alone, with her knees held up to her chest by her arms and was leaning tiredly against the back of the bench. Alec made his way over to her, surprised to be running into her again. New York was a big city, not exactly the easiest place to just randomly run into people you knew. If someone didn't want to be found in New York, it wasn't too hard to avoid it. It had come very in handy for him so far.

 

Alec plopped down beside her, and she let her knees go and dropped her legs down. She turned to face him, wiping the sleep from her eyes as she did so.

 

"What're you doing here? I thought you lived in Manhattan?" She mumbled, yawning.

 

He chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. "I... Um... Actually don't really know where I'm at right now."

 

Lylah scrunched her eyebrows at him, tilting her head in confusion. "You're in Staten Island."

 

His mouth opened in an 'O' sort of gesture, and he leaned over to rest his elbows on his knees. "Why are you sleeping on a park bench? Don't you live with your sister?" He asked.

 

She curled in on herself at the question, turning away to stare out at the pond again before answering. "I wasn't in any state to go home," she simply replied, eyes dark with sadness and something akin to anger as she watched the water ripple in the darkness.

 

Alec nodded his head in understanding, automatically knowing what she meant by that without even needing to ask. But the anger threw him a little. Who did she have to be angry at? He studied her closer, and as he observed the way her nails were digging little crescent moons into the skin of her palms, he realized. She was angry at herself. Alec knew that feeling better than anyone. The anger that came with feeling like such a disappointment to the ones that mattered most to you, no matter how much you tried to make them proud.

 

He swallowed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

 

Lylah seemed to contemplate the offer for a split second, before shaking her head vigorously. "No. The last thing I need right now is pity."

 

Alec frowned. "I don't pity you."

 

She looked up at him from beneath her eyelashes and seemed to be reconsidering, and then took a deep breath, before continuing. "I've been trying to get clean for months. But everytime I try something happens and I'm right back to square one. My sister, Leah, wants me to go back to school. And I'm trying so hard for her. But I don't think I can."

 

Alec straightened up in his seat, crossing his ankles as he found a more comfortable position, realizing that this conversation was probably going to be a lot farther in depth than he'd anticipated. "You can do anything you set your mind to. You just have to get away from all of the things you know will cause you to relapse. What caused you to this time?" He asked.

 

Lylah's face grew dark again. Her lips pressed into two tight lines and she clenched her fists in her lap. "Cole's been cheating on me."

 

Alec opened his mouth to respond, but just as he did, his phone began to blare loudly from his pocket. He pulled it out and groaned when he looked at the caller ID. It was his mother again. It was the fourth time tonight she'd blown his phone up. He opted to simply turn it off and turned back to Lylah, muttering an apology before responding to her prior admission.

 

"How do you know for sure?" He asked.

 

Lylah sighed, her voice beginning to crack with oncoming tears. "I saw him. Through the window of his house when I came over to see him a couple weeks ago. He was in bed with some blonde chick."

 

"I'm sorry," Alec replied, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder as she tried her best to fight back the urge to cry.

 

She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, shaking her head violently. "I-It's fine. I'm f-fine. God, why does love have to hurt so fucking much?" She choked out.

 

A good question, indeed. "I don't know. I ask myself that same question every single day," he admitted.

 

Lylah took another deep breath and pulled the hands away from her eyes, turning to face him. She wrapped her arms around herself, huddling again. "I wish I could just get away from him. I know that I'd be much better off. But it's just so _hard_ to imagine my life without him in it, you know? I just want to go back to school, maybe go to college if I'm lucky, become a nurse, make my sister _proud of me_ for once. What a dream," she chuckled bitterly.

 

Alec smiled. "It doesn't have to be."

 

She looked up at him, something he couldn't quite recognize passing over her eyes, but it was gone almost as soon as it had been there. He was startled when she suddenly laughed, eyes lit up in amusement. "I'm sorry. No offense intended, but I just didn't think I'd see the day where a crackhead would be giving another crackhead life advice," she admitted, shaking her head ruefully.

 

Alec simply snorted. "It sounds like the opening line of a joke. 'Two crackheads sitting in a park'..."

 

Lylah threw her head back and laughed, holding her stomach as her body was wracked with it almost violently. Alec couldn't help but laugh along with her, eyes watering at his own self-depreciating jokes. God, they needed help...

 

When she finally calmed down, she sighed, relaxing back into the bench with a sense of relief. "I really should be getting home. But thank you, Alec. I feel a little better after talking to you. I'll see you later," she smiled before rising to her feet, stretching her limbs back with another yawn.

 

Alec smiled back, giving her a small wave. "Bye."

 

She went to leave, but stopped about halfway to the park gate, turning back around and approaching the bench after Alec lied down and stretched out on it. "Are you sleeping here?" She asked, eyes narrowed slightly in question.

 

He nodded, eyes drifting closed from sheer exhaustion. "Yeah, I can't go home for awhile," he said, rather than explaining why he was staying away. That was too long of an explanation for him to manage when he was this tired. Not even taking into consideration how carefully he'd have to weave his way through it to to avoid the topic of the shadow world.

 

Lylah went quiet for a minute, and it was stretching out so long that Alec was seriously considering the possibility that perhaps she'd just went on home. But then she finally spoke up again. "Come on. It's too dangerous for you to sleep all night out here by yourself."

 

Alec begrudgingly opened one eye, staring at her as she began tugging on his wrist. "Where are we going?"

 

"My house. But you'll have to be quiet. My sister doesn't like it when I bring friends home," she replied as she yanked him up to his feet, ignoring his groans of protest at being moved so abruptly.

 

Alec was tempted to argue, but the idea of sleeping in a bed or on some kind of semi-soft surface after being on the streets for three days was very enticing. So he rubbed his eyes and grunted as he let Lylah drag him over to the gate. He felt kinda bad for letting her share her house with him, but was too tired at the moment to object. He would thank her with some coffee and pastries from whatever café was nearby in the morning, he mended. To lift his guilty conscience a little.

 

~~~

 

Jace's hand fluttered unconsciously down to his parabatai rune, a small sigh escaping past his lips as he felt his connection with his brother weakening just that little bit further. He was curled up in a corner of the Institutes vast library, several opened books scattered around his legs. Jace groaned and sunk his face down into his hands, running his fingers through his hair and pulling on the blonde locks in frustration.

 

He'd spent pretty much all morning in here, pouring over any and all knowledge the Institute's library had on Alec's predicaments. That knowledge, unfortunately, was very little. Shadowhunters were a very mission-oriented bunch. So most of the books in here strictly pertained to demons and downworlders. Most of the books scattered around him were false hopes, misleading titles that he'd prayed held something useful but had not. Jace howled out his frustration and snatched up one of the books by his thigh, hurling it at one of the columns across the room.

 

This was pointless. Why did people even have libraries anymore? He should've just done a web search. That was his first instinct, but had opted to try out the library first since he knew that any information here would be guaranteed to be reliable. But there wasn't even any information to use!

 

He snatched up another book and hurled it, only to watch in horror as it nearly hit his girlfriend in the forehead. She spun away just in time, but ended up slamming into one of the columns in her attempts to dodge the flying book. Clary groaned and flung her hand to her forehead, rubbing at it with her palm. Jace winced and hopped up to his feet, making his way over to her and pulling her into his embrace.

 

"I'm sorry," he murmured into her hair, humming softly at the smell of her cherry blossom shampoo. He twiddled with a lock absentmindedly, admiring how soft it felt wrapped around his index finger.

 

Clary frowned up at him, her beautiful green eyes filled with concern. "What's the matter?"

 

His face set back into a scowl as he thought back to his fruitless efforts from before. "Just... Alec. He's had some... Problems, lately. I've been trying to figure out a way to help him, but I can't find anything," he sighed, skirting around actually telling her the full extent of what was going on.

 

It didn't much matter anyways. "That's actually what I came to talk to you about. Last night, Simon and I saw Alec at Pandemonium. He was just _dancing_ ; with some random guy. That's not like him at all, Jace. Do you have any idea what's gotten into him lately?" She asked.

 

Jace tried to hide his discomfort at her line of questioning, but realized he failed when Clary narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion. His shoulders sunk in defeat and he grabbed her by her wrist, dragging her out of the library and towards the elevators.

 

"Where are we going?" She asked.

 

"Isabelle's room. She needs to be here for this too," he replied.

 

They rode the elevator up to the third floor, and made their way down the hall towards Isabelle's bedroom. Jace flung the door open, and he abruptly stopped, causing Clary to ram straight into his back. He squinted his eyes at sight in front of him.

 

The room was dark, save for the slivers of light peaking in from the curtains and the glowing light emanating from the laptop on the mattress. A movie was playing, with some kind of fighting scene flashing across the screen. Isabelle had been curled up against Simon, her head resting on his shoulder as they'd watched the movie in front of them. That was, until Jace flung open the door. They both flinched, and Isabelle jumped up from the bed. Simon looked slightly hurt, eyes downcast, refusing to meet any of their gazes. Isabelle shot him a regretful frown, before whirling on Jace, eyes lit up with red-hot anger.

 

"How many times have I told you to knock?" She spat, fists clenched tightly at her sides.

 

Jace only rolled his eyes, flicking on the light switch. The pair blinked uncomfortably at the sudden brightness, squinting their eyes against it. "Calm down. It's not like you guys were naked."

 

Isabelle's mouth dropped open at that, staring in disbelief at the audacity of her brother. Simon, who had been taking a swig of the mug of what was probably blood off of the nightstand, did a doubletake, spitting it all over himself and the comforter in the process. Clary smacked Jace on the shoulder from behind, her disapproval rolling off of her in waves.

 

The Lightwood woman disappeared into the bathroom and emerged with a dark-colored towel, handing it off to Simon before turning her attention back to Jace again. "What do you need, asshole?" She snapped.

 

Clary decided to take that as her cue to cut into the conversation, apparently, as she piped up from behind him. "Answers. What's going on with Alec?" She asked.

 

Isabelle and Jace shared a look, a silent agreement of what to explain to the pair and what to leave out. It was pretty clear. Keep Grayson's death out of it entirely. They sat them both down on the bed and explained the situation in its- _almost_ -entirety. They carefully left out the murder part. That was probably too much to lay on at once.

 

When they finished, they expected a lot of questions. But that wasn't what they initially received. Instead, Simon was only sitting there internally scratching at his head, trying to finish processing everything that was just revealed to them. Clary, on the other hand, had a frighteningly-blank look on her face. She blinked; once, twice, and then that look quickly morphed into one of fiery rage, made that much more intense by the flaming red color of her hair. She shot up to her feet and narrowed her eyes at the two of them, arms crossed over her chest.

 

"What is _wrong with you two_?" She spat, venom lacing each and every word.

 

Jace and Isabelle were taken aback, flinching against the anger in her voice and the accusation that lied beneath. They gave each other a questioning look, before turning back to face Clary. She looked no less angry, if anything their mutual confusion seemed to fuel it further. Like adding gasoline to the fire.

 

"How could you go all this time without even _trying_ to help him? How do you sleep at night knowing that your brother is-"

 

They never would know what Clary was about to say, because she was cut off by a sharp slap to her face, courtesy of Isabelle. She was now fuming herself. Jace and Clary stared at her in shock, the redhead's mouth dropped open at the action. Jace bared his teeth, and stepped in between the two of them, guarding his girlfriend's tiny frame from that of his sister's.

 

"How _dare_ you!" Isabelle hissed. "You have no idea how many times I've tried to get him to talk to me! How many nights I've sat in front of his bedroom door and begged him to open it up for me, to just let me _help him_! He won't listen to me! The only option I have anymore is to report him to the Clave. And do you know what would happen if I did that? He'd lose his job, permanently for sure, he'd be locked up down in the basement, and might even be deruned!"

 

Clary's gaze softened a little, but was still fairly hard. She uncrossed her arms and rubbed at her reddened cheek. "He needs more than just you in his corner, Isabelle. Have you two never heard of an intervention?" She sighed.

 

The redhead took their prolonged silence as a definite no, and was about to explain, when Simon cut in. He was still scrubbing away at the blood on his shirt, but had apparently been keeping up with the conversation enough to join in on it.

 

"An intervention is when a group of loved ones come together to confront an addict and convince them to seek help for their addiction," Simon supplied helpfully, not even bothering to glance up as he concentrated on removing the stains in his clothes.

 

Clary snapped in his direction. "That."

 

Jace considered it for a moment. That actually sounded like a great idea. Alec wasn't listening to any of them individually. But maybe, just maybe, he'd listen to them as a whole. Even though there was still a chance that they'd fail, his mood was lifted quite a bit higher than before. At least they finally had something, a direction to head in, instead of running around like a bunch of headless chickens.

 

"Who all should be at this intervention?" Isabelle asked, all traces of prior aggravation gone, replaced with curiosity and an underlying sense of hope.

 

"Anyone that cares about Alec and knows about his addiction," Clary answered, plopping down on the bed as she did so, careful to avoid the spots with the drying blood stains.

 

Jace quickly made a mental list in his head, rambling it off as names came to him . "Me, you, Izzy, Simon, Maryse, Mag-"

 

He snapped his mouth shut, suddenly unsure. Was that really such a good idea? Magnus was Alec's ex, and if the feelings he were sensing through their bond meant anything, Alec was still very much in love with the warlock. But Magnus had dumped him, broken his heart into millions of pieces. Wouldn't having him at the intervention only throw Alec off? Jace asked those same questions to Clary, whom frowned. She seemed to be thinking it over, her eyebrows scrunching together in thought.

 

"Isn't Magnus, like, hundreds of years old? He's probably dealt with this sort of thing before, either personally or through someone else. Wouldn't he have some wiser insight than anyone else there?" Simon asked, who had long since given up hope on salvaging that shirt and just tore it off completely. Isabelle made no attempts to disguise the fact that she was staring.

 

Eventually she shook her head, tearing her eyes away from Simon and fixed them on some random point on the wall. "While that's probably true, it might upset Alec to have him there. I'm not sure if inviting him is the best course of action."

 

"So Magnus is a maybe. We'll come back to it," Clary reasoned.

 

Isabelle nodded, before giving the redhead a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry for slapping you," she muttered lamely.

 

Clary smiled back. "I'm sorry for insulting you."

 

The girls threw their arms around each other and squeezed tightly, conveying all of their sorrow and regret into the embrace. Jace interrupted them, clearing his throat to grab their attention.

 

"So when are we going to do this thing?" He asked, eager to set everything in motion already.

 

Clary shrugged. "We should go talk to Maryse about it. We could probably have it at her shop," she suggested.

 

"That's actually not a bad idea. Let's go," Isabelle said, shrugging on her coat and dragging a flustered Simon out the door with her by his bicep.

 

Jace and Clary shared a quiet look of amusement.

 

"Doesn't she realize that he's still not wearing a-"

 

"Oh, most definitely," Jace snickered, wrapping his arm around Clary's shoulders and following the other two out the door.


End file.
